Following the abysmal performance of the England Cricket Team, in the West Indies, Theresa May has cancelled their right to return under Operation Winless

Keen cricket fan, Theresa May, was so disgusted at the performance of the England Team, following their thrashing on their West Indies tour, that she has cancelled their right to return.

A government spokesperson, Ian Napton, explained, “She got the idea from Operation Windrush, where we deported British Citizens to the West Indies. In this case she thought we could save on the cost of flying them out there, if we just stopped them from returning.” 

FA launch an investigation into T’spygate after a man from Leeds United looked at a fence

The FA have announced an investigation into the World’s Worst Spy, found outside Derby County’s training ground looking at a fence and revealed to be a member of Leeds United staff.

This action potentially contravenes FA rule 4643-B, “No club shall force staff to watch a Frank Lampard training session.”, as well as rule 4115-C, “No manager shall try to cover up morally dubious actions by admitting them on national TV, or BT Sport.”.

Moneyball comes to the Premier League

Billy Beane revolutionised baseball by using stats-driven recruitment formulas to find the most effective ball players at the cheapest price. Since the remarkable success of the Brad Pitt film, Moneyball, there have been attempts to replicate the formula in the world of football, with varying degrees of success. That is, until now.