Monkey Games

Monkeys like sports.

Footballer forced to leave the pitch after a serious injury to his hair-do

Liverpool’s star player Mario Brothers was forced to leave the field after sustaining a serious injury to his hair-do.

The incident occurred in the 69th minute when the ball inadvertently struck the top of his head, flattening his hair.

It’s Easy Peasey with Teasy Weasy!

WHL pitch will be ready for Jose’s goal-mouth bus

Spurs have confirmed that the asphalt and bus parking will be in place before Jose’s first game at WHL.

A spokesman for Tottenham Hotspur has confirmed that the new playing surface will be installed and all the bus parking lines painted before their next game. The new manager was very clear that buses should be able to line up in front of the goal, without damaging the surface of the pitch.


Derby County – A Moral Example to Us All

Derby County Football Club have emerged today as a bastion, perhaps the last, of decency and honour in the murky, cash-guzzling world of professional football.

The club took a brave, some would say heroic, stance against their own club captain, 33-year-old Richard Keogh, after he sustained career-threatening, long-term injuries in a car accident, having gotten absolutely wankered at a booze-heavy team-building event last month.

Bringing shame on Richard’s everywhere!

As Rugby World Cup ends the working-class breathe a sigh of relief

As the Rugby World Cup ends millions of working-class folk have let out a giant sigh of relief. Following on from the cricket world cup English sports fans have again been forced to fake an interest in posh-boy games.

This has meant mugging up on the rules of rugby.

“It’s all very confusing” said Ian Napton, “One team kicks the ball to the other team, which is considered a good thing, then they kick it back but when your team kicks the ball they are not allowed to chase it. Then both sides stop the kicking and have a bundle, but there are different rules for a stand-up bundle and a lying on the ground bundle. You can’t just join a bundle, players have to queue up first, mental!”

A game for thugs played by gentlemen or something like that

Oxford University’s no clapping policy to be extended to Old Trafford

Old Trafford, home of Manchester United, has decided to follow the lead of Oxford University by banning clapping from their ground.

The academics have decided the noise generated by everyone clapping creates an intimidating atmosphere, which means those of lesser ability, talent or just lacking pride, passion and backbone feel undermined and less able to reach their full potential. 

We would clap but we’ve not seen anything worth applauding!