Monkey Games

Monkeys like sports.

The Sun defend being a right bunch of Jeremy’s

A spokesperson for the Sun defended their decision to publish a brutally insensitive article, relating to England cricket star Ben Stokes, on the basis that it was ‘in the national interest.’

Continuing the diatribe, they announced, ‘We are all a little bit sick of Brexit, so in the absence of a good child abduction story, or the Queen snuffing it, we thought we’d give the public a hearty tragedy to get stuck into it.’

Don’t Be A Jeremy!

The privilege of Droit de Seigneur is to be bestowed on Sir Ben Stokes

It’s not often that a cricketer makes the front page. Once the bad boy of English cricket, Ben Stokes return to the game has been spectacular. Single handedly winning the World Cup by destroying New Zealand and last week saving the Ashes by bashing the arse out of the Aussies, he now has the world at his feet.  

Given his fantastic performances on the field, there has been a concerted campaign to have him knighted. Her Majesty is to grant the request, and to go one step further. So moved was she by Ben’s performances, she has decided to reinstate that ancient right of Droit de Seigneur.


Boris says ‘it’s a good day to bury bad news under Bury’

Fans of Bury Football Club are livid today after Prime Minister Boris Johnson took away their momentary “top of the headlines” position on the BBC News website. 

The club does not ordinarily make the headlines, even in Bury, but the sad business of a football club going into liquidation has captured the public’s hearts. 

RIP The Shakers

Scientists begin search for Australia’s missing backbone

Scientists and Doctors working at Credulous College have begun an extensive search for the long-lost Australian Spine.

Once upon a time the Australians were famous for their backbone. It provided strength and certainty in difficult times. Its absence was first noted when their cricket team turned in some woeful performances, for example failing to bowl out Alistair Cook.

This led to some light-hearted chants, such as “Are you England in disguise?” Of course, the England fans had no reason to believe this state of affairs would last long. Surely, the Australians would rediscover their backbone and return to thumping England all over the place.

Are you England in disguise?

Funniest joke at Edinburgh Fringe

The funniest joke at the Edinburgh fringe was basically about food and Tourette’s.  

Now this reviewer is no puritan but like others I am sick of this trend in food based jokes.  All these terrible puns really are pasta joke, I mean how can anybody expect to earn a crust when their bread and butter material is based on grub!  I know you can’t call someone a vegetable without the sandal brigade breaking out in hives but it really cheeses me off when I hear or read comedians ham-ming it up.  This time they really have over egged the pudding.  

Not all comedians rely on crummy food jokes but some really are cereal offenders.  We are in a pickle and the awards panel at Dave really need to beef up the criteria as to what constitutes a funny joke.  

Now I know that there are folk out there who love this type of humour so lettuce agree to disagree but I for one don’t curry favour with the jest set and I’m happy to call this matter out.