Monkey Games

Monkeys like sports.

With all the money in football why do some players still have to buy their own steak bake?

As the television broadcast revenues continue to pour in and the game gives birth to ever bigger, richer stars questions continue to be raised not only about the sustainability of the current model, but the fairness of a system of such inequally distributed wealth.

Chippenham Town Supporters Club Chair and sole member, Dave Bingham, had this to say on the issue, “It’s a real problem at the moment. Some clubs just seem to have all the money. There’s clubs at the top end of the league that aren’t even collecting subs, other sides have four stands arranged around the pitch, I’ve visited clubs where they don’t even share the ground with a local under-11s team.” Continue reading “With all the money in football why do some players still have to buy their own steak bake?”

Jose Mourinho Removes His Foil Lined Hat and Shares His Newest Conspiracy Theories

After revealing the shocking truth this week that 37-year-old FC Porto substitute Iker Casillas was behind a plot to oust David De Gea from the Spanish national team, Manchester United boss Jose Mourinho has gone even further, revealing that Iker is behind a number of plots to undermine his excellent work at Old Trafford. Continue reading “Jose Mourinho Removes His Foil Lined Hat and Shares His Newest Conspiracy Theories”

Scottish Fitba sells television rights for 4 pints of Heavy, 3 sausage rolls and packet of Cheese and Onion crisps

Scottish fans were outraged when details of the latest fitba deal were announced. TV Sports giant, Sly, bought the tv rights to all Scottish League and Cup Fitba after a particularly long and heavy session in the Hey Pal pub in Glasgow’s East End.

Fitba fans across the nation feel their fitba has been demeaned and devalued by this cut price deal. Ginger Macreadie said “Aye, I ken we’re shite but we shuld a held oot for tattie scone.” Continue reading “Scottish Fitba sells television rights for 4 pints of Heavy, 3 sausage rolls and packet of Cheese and Onion crisps”

Outrage in Liverpool when Milner picks blue over red causing his team to lose, the silly tosser

A week has passed and the world has scarcely recovered from the shock of Salah United’s appalling collapse against Red Star Belgrade. This was the Champions League’s greatest upset since Manchester United’s stunning triumph against Young Boys of Bern, in the first round of matches. Continue reading “Outrage in Liverpool when Milner picks blue over red causing his team to lose, the silly tosser”

As Wayne Rooney wends his way to his retirement home the FA lines up a grand finale

This week Wayne Rooney will take a break from slaying the North American Soccer League (aka ‘Sunshine Meadows Retirement Home for the Slightly Too Slow to Play in Europe’) and return to the land in which he made his name.

This is, of course, in order to celebrate his international highlights; getting sent-off against Portugal and performing shambolically over a succession of major tournaments. Continue reading “As Wayne Rooney wends his way to his retirement home the FA lines up a grand finale”

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