Chelsea’s fag-chomping Italian supremo, Maurizio Sarri, has come in for some tough criticism this week after their 6-0 drubbing away to Man City. The mauling has prompted a number of incisive tactical analysis, which have driven at the heart of where things are going wrong with so-called ‘Sarri ball’. Continue reading “After Chelsea’s 6-0 drubbing some football pundiots ask; What is going wrong with Sarri Ball?”
In one of the more definitive results, in a National Vote, Britain has overwhelmingly chosen The Okey-Cokey as its entry into the Eurovision Song Contest.
Beating off strong competition from such nostalgia pop as; The White Cliffs of Dover Car Park, by Failing Grayling; Rule Britannia by Little Dick and The Johnsons, and F U EU by controversial rappers, The Elite, The Okey-Cokey was the surprise winner of the People’s Vote. Continue reading “UK selects The Okey-Cokey as its entry into The Eurovision Song Contest”
Following the abysmal performance of the England Cricket Team, in the West Indies, Theresa May has cancelled their right to return under Operation Winless
Keen cricket fan, Theresa May, was so disgusted at the performance of the England Team, following their thrashing on their West Indies tour, that she has cancelled their right to return.
A government spokesperson, Ian Napton, explained, “She got the idea from Operation Windrush, where we deported British Citizens to the West Indies. In this case she thought we could save on the cost of flying them out there, if we just stopped them from returning.”
Continue reading “Following the abysmal performance of the England Cricket Team, in the West Indies, Theresa May has cancelled their right to return under Operation Winless”
The FA have announced an investigation into the World’s Worst Spy, found outside Derby County’s training ground looking at a fence and revealed to be a member of Leeds United staff.
This action potentially contravenes FA rule 4643-B, “No club shall force staff to watch a Frank Lampard training session.”, as well as rule 4115-C, “No manager shall try to cover up morally dubious actions by admitting them on national TV, or BT Sport.”. Continue reading “FA launch an investigation into T’spygate after a man from Leeds United looked at a fence”
Billy Beane revolutionised baseball by using stats-driven recruitment formulas to find the most effective ball players at the cheapest price. Since the remarkable success of the Brad Pitt film, Moneyball, there have been attempts to replicate the formula in the world of football, with varying degrees of success. That is, until now.
In a bid to grab hold of the best talent at the lowest price, Chelsea FC have lodged a bid for an unborn foetus currently gestating in the womb of a North London housewife. Continue reading “Chelsea Put in £14m Bid on Unborn Foetus”