Monkey Games

Monkeys like sports.

Euro 2020 allows useless teams in but there’s still no room for Scotland

European Championships Wall Chart

In the wake of hugely productive talks over the creation of an unfathomably brilliant 48-team World Cup, allowing space for sporting giants such as Azerbaijan, Lithuania and Bhutan, plans are afoot for a further expansion of the European Championships.

UEFA press guru, Dr Darren Devine, was on hand to unveil the scheme; “In 2016 we took a crucial step forward, moving from 16 to 24 teams. It’s only logical now that we move to the next stage in our evolution – 54 teams.” Continue reading “Euro 2020 allows useless teams in but there’s still no room for Scotland”

Scotland to get extra Bank Holiday to celebrate Euro20 success

Bank holiday as Scottish Refs reach final

Ian McNapton, Scotland’s Minister for Sport, has put forward a motion to make March 22nd a new Bank Holiday. Mr McNapton was trying to restore the nation’s morale after the side’s disastrous performances in the recent Euro20 qualifying games.

Unfortunately, everyone who saw Scotland play thought, “Same shite, different day. This lot would manage to finish second in a game of Solitaire” Continue reading “Scotland to get extra Bank Holiday to celebrate Euro20 success”

Scotland off to a flyer as they start their exit from Euro 2020

Euro 2020 Football fan

Thursday evening saw Scottish football write yet another chapter in its long and illustrious footballing history as they kicked off their Euro 2020 Qualification Campaign away in Kazakhstan.

Despite having a squad decimated by as many as three injuries, the Scots named a (relatively) strong team for the Euro 2020 qualifier and, according to boss Alex McLeish, “started brightly”. It’s hard to argue with that contention when the match stats clearly show the away team held their hosts at a creditable 0-0 for almost six entire minutes. Continue reading “Scotland off to a flyer as they start their exit from Euro 2020”

OPTA Statistics, Are they telling the whole story?

OPTA Stats

Statistics are a commonly cited aspect of football analysis, but how much do we really know about the numbers we throw around? We got in touch with Big Dave from OPTA ’s data measuring department, to break down the stats.

One major innovation in recent years has been the advent of expected goals (XG), something Dave revealed to have a complex analytical process behind it; “If a team has an XG of 1.5, but they haven’t scored at all, then our statistical models would rate that team as ‘utter shit’. Similarly, if a team has an XG of almost zero but a total goals of exactly 1, we would rate that team as ‘Burnley’. However, if a team has an XG of 2 but they have scored 4, our statistical models would rate that team as ‘probably containing Messi’.” Continue reading “OPTA Statistics, Are they telling the whole story?”

White Hart Lane tube station to be renamed ‘Constant Disappointment’

White Hart Lane

As the White Hart Lane stadium redevelopment nears completion, plans to rename the nearest underground station get underway.

Football fans have been invited to choose the new name for White Hart Lane Tube Station. However, the authorities have clearly learned nothing from the  ‘Boaty McBoatface’ incident. Continue reading “White Hart Lane tube station to be renamed ‘Constant Disappointment’”

The Chatty Chimp is owned and operated by Chattychimp Ltd