Monkey Games

Monkeys like sports.

Funniest joke at Edinburgh Fringe

The funniest joke at the Edinburgh fringe was basically about food and Tourette’s.  

Now this reviewer is no puritan but like others I am sick of this trend in food based jokes.  All these terrible puns really are pasta joke, I mean how can anybody expect to earn a crust when their bread and butter material is based on grub!  I know you can’t call someone a vegetable without the sandal brigade breaking out in hives but it really cheeses me off when I hear or read comedians ham-ming it up.  This time they really have over egged the pudding.  

Not all comedians rely on crummy food jokes but some really are cereal offenders.  We are in a pickle and the awards panel at Dave really need to beef up the criteria as to what constitutes a funny joke.  

Now I know that there are folk out there who love this type of humour so lettuce agree to disagree but I for one don’t curry favour with the jest set and I’m happy to call this matter out.  

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Football’s Ian Holloway looks Forward to Post-Brexit Utopia

An interesting appearance from the mystifyingly unemployed soccer supremo, Ian Holloway, on Sky Sports’ flagship nonsense shouting enterprise ‘the Debate’ (which as much follows the rules of a normal debate as two pissed up Doncaster Rovers fans screaming insults at each other in the door to a pub on Saturday night) shed new light on the rumbling Brexit fiasco after Holloway gave the EU credit for making a right mess of the handball rules in football.

Football’s for the English!

ECB to revitalise cricket with the introduction of the One Ball Game

In a desperate bid to attract a new cricket audience the ECB have announced plans to reduce matches to one ball per team.

Ian Napton-Smythe, DfS, GChQ, FghI and ECB Chair, explained his thinking.

“Everyone loves a day at the cricket. Typically one starts the day with a hearty Full English before heading off to the ground for kick off at 11.00 am. Then it’s out with the beer, G&T, or whatever takes your fancy. Nothing is really happening in the game at this point, so it’s an early opportunity to get those alcohol levels up nice and high. Before you know it, it’s time for lunch in the restaurant or maybe a picnic, all washed down with a couple of bottles of claret. Then back to the seat and nice afternoon doze until tea.”

Owzat!

Following Game One, Man City are awarded the Premier League Title

Following their 5-0 win at West Ham on the opening day of the new football season, Manchester City have been crowned 2019/20 Champions.

“There’s no point in calling it a competition,” a spokesman for the FA told us. “We don’t see the point in putting everyone through the charade of another 37 games before presenting the trophy. They can have it now.”

Not like Scottish football, honestly!