Trumpety Trump

Everything you wanted to know about the Orange-a-tang in Chief

Trump wants to build more terrific walls

Following the complete success of his first ‘bigly’ wall, Trump Builders Inc (Walls) are looking at European expansion.

Sarah Wannabee, WH spokesperson, explained, “Donald has been practising in his bedroom with his Lego set, and he’s really getting good at walls. Using his crayons, he’s identified several opportunities for new walls; North Africa, Ireland, Scotland, Germany, and China could all benefit from having “another prick in the wall”. Continue reading “Trump wants to build more terrific walls”

Tart with a Cart, Molly Malone, accuses Trump of cancelling his trip to Ireland to avoid taking responsibility for their illegitimate son, Ed Sheeran

White House spokesperson, Sarah Wannabe-Elsewhere, announced the cancellation of Donald Trump’s State Visit to Ireland. The reason for the cancellation was not clear, leading to speculation it was to avoid further embarrassment to America by their President. Continue reading “Tart with a Cart, Molly Malone, accuses Trump of cancelling his trip to Ireland to avoid taking responsibility for their illegitimate son, Ed Sheeran”

The Golf Game of the Century – What really happened when Kim Jong Un took on Donald Trump

At their recent summit Kim Jong Un took on Donald Trump in the century’s greatest ever golf match. In this battle, between two egotistical tyrants, one fluffed drive could result in a nuclear strike. World peace was at stake, and death stalked the practice ground. Continue reading “The Golf Game of the Century – What really happened when Kim Jong Un took on Donald Trump”

Catholic Church’s secret plan to Exorcise Donald Trump

The Catholic Church have incontrovertible proof that Donald Trump has been demonically possessed by  the spirit of Malthus, an ancient chaos demon cast out by God to corrupt souls and wreak havoc.

Vatican investigators identified possession when Donald Trump significantly failed to grasp reality and tried to bend the world to his own understanding, spoke in tongues and displayed an insatiable and depraved lust, this combined with the impending nuclear Armageddon confirmed his demonic possession. Continue reading “Catholic Church’s secret plan to Exorcise Donald Trump”

The NRA send thoughts and prayers to victims of America’s latest mass shooting in (insert location)

Right-thinking members of the NRA are tonight sending their thoughts and prayers to the victims of America’s latest mass shooting at (insert location)

Billy Bob Williams, on behalf of the NRA, immediately held a mentally ill person who would’ve done it anyway, responsible. And he was probably a Muslim, wasn’t he? Continue reading “The NRA send thoughts and prayers to victims of America’s latest mass shooting in (insert location)”

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