never eaten peaches

Impeached Trump claims he’s never eaten peaches

The American President has finally found himself subject to impeachment proceedings. He is understandably outraged, “I’m peachy but I’ve never eaten Peaches” he claimed, before adding, “I’m more of an Orange man myself. Anyone who knows me knows how much I like sucking the juice out of a large Valencian or getting my hands on a juicy, young, Clementine.”

Democrats were suitably upset. One of the Clinton’s said, “This is outrageous, he definitely said his Maw Maw made ‘the bestest peach cobbler ever’, that ‘no-one bested her cobblers’ and he’s full of cobblers but now he’s claiming he’s never eaten peaches. There needs to be an enquiry.”

Civil War follows arrival of US Peacekeepers in Paradise

The United States, in search of an understandable foreign policy has sent peacekeeping troops into one of the World’s quietest and most stable countries.

The once peaceful Paradise has enjoyed a long history of mutually beneficial coexistence between people from differing ethnic and religious backgrounds. Largely untouched by Western Nations for the last hundred years it has been allowed to go on, untroubled, about its business.

The NRA send thoughts and prayers to victims of America’s latest mass shooting at (The: school/shopping centre/church/hospital/community centre) in (state/town/city)

Right-thinking members of the NRA are tonight sending their thoughts and prayers to the victims of America’s latest mass shooting(s) at (insert location/s)

Billy Bob Williams, on behalf of the NRA, immediately held a mentally ill person who would’ve done it anyway, responsible. And he was probably (insert specific non-white ethnicity, gender or sexuality), wasn’t he?

What? What do you want me to do?

Trump says ‘Hey guys! these shootings aren’t cool’

President Trump has caused widespread alarm again, this time on his own doorstep.

Following two high profile mass shootings in Texas and Ohio, the President’s language lurched at first towards cautious common sense and then to the actual bleeding obvious. “Perhaps more has to be done” he ventured, before going the whole hog, saying, “This has been going on for years, for years and years in our country and we have to get it stopped.

Is Donald McTrump really Scottish?

The Leader of the free world, and President of the United States of America has made much of his Scottish Ancestry. However recent comments have cast doubt as to whether or not the Orange haired wunderkind is really Scottish.

Donald McTrump, speaking about various funding arrangements involving his lawyer and the odd sex worker suggest he may not be as tight fisted as a Scot.