Mum saves time by throwing the Xmas Food shop into the bin

In a bid to increase efficiency, South London Mum decides to throw the entire Christmas food shop, straight into the bin, plies each of her children with a box of celebrations, then quietly quaffs gin in the kitchen. 

Mum’s go to the Offie

Jacob Rees-Mogg gets Hampshire for Xmas

In answer to the question: This Xmas, what do you get the man who has everything? The answer is, the county of Hampshire.

Lounge lizard reclines
Call me Jacob, the face of Pomposity

As his family sat around the dinner table, wondering what to get the Pater Familias for this Yuletide season, one of the younger members suggested giving him a county. 

It’s just what one always wanted

Middle-aged man loses his dignity at the office Xmas party

Uproar was caused at the A.N.Y office party, following an alleged assault to a middle-aged man’s dignity.

Events unfolded following the onslaught of a free bar and insubstantial canapes. Whilst Chumbawamba was in full swing on the dancefloor, Robin from accounts, dressed as Santa, offered to show Anna from H.R his grinding. Alarmingly, she retorted ‘Get lost Grandpa!’, causing widespread guffawing and a distinctive dent to his ego.

hI-hO! hI-hO It’s off to work we go!

Department Store accidently hires Satan for this year’s Christmas Grotto

Due to an unfortunate spelling error, Harrods has accidently hired Satan, Lord of Evil, Devourer of Worlds and Harvester of Souls to dish out the Christmas presents to all the little children and to put the grot into grotto.

Hey Santa!

Unfortunately the mistake happened when a dyslexic intern was charged with booking Santa and his little helpers. When the agency returned the contracts, she didn’t realise they’d mis-spelled Santa, and they’d contractually booked Satan. 

Pass me a pitchfork, this one needs turning over

Totally PC Christmas Card; guaranteed to take the joy out of Xmas

Today, the PC Brigade unveiled their new range of Christmas Card.

The card was designed to be as respectful as possible to everyone’s personal, religious and political views. Although, inevitably, it’s caused some controversy with Christmas Traditionalists.

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