Reports are emerging that The Duke Of Edinburgh’s recent car crash may not have been an accident, and may not even have been the Old Man’s fault.
An investigation into the Land Rover’s service history has found that the vehicle received attention to its brakes only the day before at Spencer’s of Northamptonshire and that the technician assigned to the work was GOD. Continue reading “Is the Ghost of Diana working as a motor mechanic? Did she sabotage the Duke’s car?”
Upmarket tea and cake shop, Patisserie Valerie, has recently fallen into Administration, when some donut realised there was £40 million pounds missing from the bank account.
Chief Inspector Ian Napton, explained, “Although Patisserie Valerie are a British Company, they’ve a French name so we thought it would be a good idea to bring in continental thinking to help us work out who has had their finger in the pie.” Continue reading “Police bring in Inspector Clouseau to assist with the investigation into fraud at Patisserie Valerie”
Right-thinking members of the NRA are tonight sending their thoughts and prayers to the victims of America’s latest mass shooting(s) at (insert location/s)
Billy Bob Williams, on behalf of the NRA, immediately held a mentally ill person who would’ve done it anyway, responsible. And he was probably a Muslim, wasn’t he? Continue reading “The NRA send thoughts and prayers to victims of America’s latest mass shooting at (The: school/shopping centre/church/hospital/community centre) in (state/town/city)“
A controversial decision to remove a group of wistful arty-types, with their accompanying offspring, from an artisan brasserie, has been met with widespread derision in middle England.
After three hours, having purchased only one skinny soya latte and three biodegradable straws, the proprietor Giuseppe Groucho, asked the entourage to move on. Continue reading “Arty mum asked to leave a trendy coffee shop after her emancipated toddler disturbed the Wa”
Whitehall sources have confirmed that plans originally drawn up during the Cold War to evacuate the Royal Family out of London in the event of nuclear attack have been “repurposed” in anticipation of civil unrest after a No Deal Brexit.
Ian Napton, a Whitehall spokesman, said, “We’re all set to smuggle The Queen and The Duke of Edinburgh out of town if we need to. Their destination is, of course, top secret.” Continue reading “Plans are afoot to move the Royal Family out of London if summer rioting breaks out”
Appearing on one of the many God channels on American TV, Whitewash Spokesperson, Sandra Sanders revealed that God had ordained Donald as President. After all it was a miracle he got elected in the first place.
This revelation came as no surprise to his many followers who believe that God had blessed Donald and given him the right to transgress any man made laws in the interests of furthering the Big G’s philosophies.
Continue reading “Whitewash Spokesperson, Sarah Sanders, confirms Donald Trump was appointed by God”