The enormous cloud of anger, ignorance and intransigence emitted by the people of Britain has taken human form and called itself Mark Francois.
No record can be found of the creature’s existence before the country’s Brexit mania peaked at the beginning of this year, leading experts to believe the homunculus has been conjured up by mass psychosis. Continue reading “Britain’s national psychosis manifests as Mark Francois”
Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening , I deeply regret that it’s necessary for me to make a public apology about using my newspaper column to promote my own interests using information I knew to be made up.
Regretfully, I have to announce that someone has discovered I’ve been a naughty boy.
On this occasion I’d like to offer a full, an insincere apology, to my wife/my constituents/ the British People/The House of Commoners/ my wife again/my employer/my friends/my friends spouses/the wife’s friends husbands and finally my wife. Continue reading “A handy template for Boris Johnson’s next Public Apology”
Finally a winner has been declared in the 2010 Hide and Seek, World Championships. The Gold Medal has been awarded to Julian from Australia.
Julian was philosophical about his win. “Obviously you train hard for this. There are long hours spent hiding under the bed or the living under the stairs. It’s serious practice and dedication to learn the art of creeping. I’ve lost track of how many nights I spent delivering boxes of Milk Tray to random women.” Continue reading “Australian wins the 2010 Hide and Seek World Championship”
The latest Brexit delay finally produces something our politicians can agree on, six weeks in Provence during the summer is eminently agreeable.
Members of the ERG, moderate Tories, Lib Dems, the Scottish lot and even The Speaker rushed online in the middle of the night to secure their preferred gite and ferry crossings as the Brexit deadline was extended to 31 October. Labour members booked their usual week in Scarborough.
Continue reading “Delay to Brexit allow’s politicians to have their summer holiday in peace”
Toshitone Ltd has been valued, by The City, at £100 billion pounds. Investors are queuing up to give their money to the innovative car company, at its stock market launch.
Having revolutionised the funeral business, with their self driving hearses, and cornered the automated Pizza and Cocaine delivery market, things are on the up for the company. Continue reading “Toshitone Ltd has a stock market value of £100 Billion but hasn’t made a profit in 10 years”
Great Britain has been bought on eBay for £10.50, by a Mr D Trump of Orange County, Florider.
The Advert read; For Sale; One country, slightly soiled, leans a bit to the right, dodgy runner. Feels a bit unloved and uncared for. She was an absolute stunner in her day. One careful lady owner for the last 65 years and a shit one for three. Nice retirement project for a handy pensioner who can fix things. Buyer collects. Continue reading “For Sale; Britain, one careful lady owner and a sh*t one”