Following confirmation that police don’t catch criminals, Theresa May announced the immediate abolition of the British Police Force.
In a surprise move, Mrs May confirmed that the police force costs the British tax payer over £12bn every year to run. The loss of the Police Force would free up vast sums of money to be spent on other, more important services, like health. Continue reading “As it’s revealed that Cops don’t catch criminals the PM closes down the Police Force and spends the money on your NHS”
Contention in a Camberwell cafe escalated, when a thirty-something confessed that she had ‘absolutely zero desire’ to propagate the planet.
Speaking passionately amongst shocked peers and their offspring, Olivia Napton disclosed, ‘the only clock ticking in my body, is the one which is synchronised with last orders at the bar.’ Continue reading “Me? Have kids? You must be f**king joking”
After a successful campaign by local residents a school in Birmingham has succeeded in getting lessons in being nice to each other, removed from the curriculum. It turns out that the religiots are against it.
The controversy was about same sex relationships. Whilst the religiots were keen to stress they were not anti-homosexuality, they just didn’t want their children learning that it existed. Continue reading “A Birmingham School drops lessons in being nice to each other after a campaign by followers of archaic death cults”
Last week the Department of Transport publicly admitted they’d made a mess of post Brexit freight handling plans. Many were puzzled as to why the breakdown of the freight contract with a ferry company with no boats, should result in the need to pay £33 million to Eurotunnel, a train operator but hey! that’s politics for you.
Just when things couldn’t get any worse for Chris Grayling, Transport Secretary, it’s transpired that following an administrative mix up, the £33 million contract was given to Island of Sodoff Railways rather than Eurotunnel. Continue reading “Chris Grayling accidently awards the £33 million freight handling contract to Thomas the Tank and The Fat Controller”
This weeks winter Atlantic storm, was originally named Freya and it was expected to bring a sense of mild depression, together with bouts of heavy rain and high winds to all parts of the UK.
Unfortunately, the low pressure at the centre of the storm, has deepened, bring risk of substantial and prolonged depression to all areas of the country. With the increase in storm severity, it has been upgraded to catastrophic and renamed Storm Grayling. Continue reading “The status of the latest winter storm has been upgraded to catastrophic and renamed Storm Grayling”