After years of self-study, a scientist at The University of Life has discovered the best way to treat a hangover is to drink more.
The idea, first came to Dr Peter Wardy as an undergraduate. After 3 years of constant consumption of cheap alcohol, leading to regular hangovers, he wondered whether drinking more would make the symptoms go away. Continue reading “Dr Wardy, from The University of Life, says, “Hungover? then drink more and you’ll feel better””
Special Branch have been called in, following an orchestrated attempt to endanger the lives of leading political figures and Nigel Farrage. The prominent politicians received, by post, ‘All you can eat’ gift vouchers for an Italian Restaurant Chain in Salisbury.
Reminiscent of the Night of the Long Knives the attack has been described as, “An unacceptable threat to our democracy” by Tory Brexiteers, and a “Bloody good start” by the rest of the country. Continue reading “Mass assassination attempt on the lives of Mogg, Gove, Hunt, Johnson and Farrage after they all receive gift vouchers for an Italian Restaurant Chain in Salisbury”
Jose Mourinho, the manager of the world’s wealthiest football club, Manchester United, has announced that this year’s top televised charity extravaganza will be called “Manchester United In Need.” Continue reading “The special one is to host Man Utd-in- Need Telethon”
Colin Adams, had an agonising tooth, so he called the dentist. Not having visited the surgery for several years he was unaware of current dental charges. When he asked about the cost, receptionist said, “It’s somewhere between an arm and a leg.” She added, “The price will go up, obviously, if on further investigation, the dentist feels he needed a further week’s holiday, in Tuscany.
Continue reading “Man sells beloved family pet in order to afford a trip to the dentist”
Failed pantomine villain Catty Popkins has said she would like to go back to having money, please, after just two days of watching daytime TV and wearing pyjamas in Tesco.
The former professional bigot, who had previously claimed that poverty was a lifestyle choice, says she gave her new circumstances a jolly good go for most of the first day before deciding that having no money, opportunity or hope isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. Continue reading “Poverty “not as good as I expected,” says Catty Popkins”
We are devastated to report the unfortunate and untimely death of beloved local celebrity, and freedom of speech campaigner, Hatie Hopkins.
Hatie rose to public prominence when she almost managed to open a successful market stall in Sugar Street. Subsequently, her much loved public appearances have drawn small crowds and attracted little attention. In an attempt to desperately increase her media profile, she proceeded to lose a series of high profile court cases. Eventually forcing her to sell her home and enter into an IVA.
Continue reading “RIP Hatie Hopkins a great loss to a once proud nation”