Trump says ‘Hey guys! these shootings aren’t cool’

What? What do you want me to do?

President Trump has caused widespread alarm again, this time on his own doorstep.

Following two high profile mass shootings in Texas and Ohio, the President’s language lurched at first towards cautious common sense and then to the actual bleeding obvious. “Perhaps more has to be done” he ventured, before going the whole hog, saying, “This has been going on for years, for years and years in our country and we have to get it stopped.

Bang Bang

Do you have an affinity with the written word? A liking for a joke? Fancy seeing your work published? Then, come and join an infinite number of monkeys working on their Hamlet scripts

Old fashioned writing machine

We are an online, topical, poo flinging satirical news site, looking to carve out our little niche on the internet. We write stories about everyday life in the Monkey House.

One of our aims is to give new writers a platform to have their work published. To urge funny people to put finger to keyboard, in 250 words or less, and tell us something we hadn’t thought of.  Continue reading “Do you have an affinity with the written word? A liking for a joke? Fancy seeing your work published? Then, come and join an infinite number of monkeys working on their Hamlet scripts”

UN send emergency aid to Edinburgh as supplies of Avocado, Quinoa and Hummus reach critical levels

Emergency Avocados

As the Edinburgh Festival kicks off, supplies of Avocado, Quinoa and Hummus have reached drastically low levels, with many restaurants having their entire menu wiped out. One restaurant was forced to close by 11.30 in the morning after smashing their last avocado.

The problem was caused by the sudden influx of Middle Englanders. Stranded North of the Border and miles from the nearest Waitrose, desperate families rushed to Stockbridge restaurants only to find the doors locked. Gilly Giles said “I don’t know what we are going to do. If Giles doesn’t get his poached duck egg and smashed av on sourdough he’s grumpy all day.”

I SAY, EXCUSE ME, WE WERE HERE FIRST!

My Life Closed Twice at Hastings Fringe

My Life Closed Twice

This review was originally published on Fringe Review

Low Down

This is a story about living with Schizophrenia. A young man, Joe, develops a relentless cacophony of voices, visions and questionable media stereotypes. They are eating away at his sense of self and he’s gradually falling apart. From the noise appears a young woman in a red hoodie who holds Joe’s hand and helps him, in spite of everything, to carry on.

Continue reading “My Life Closed Twice at Hastings Fringe”

The NRA send thoughts and prayers to victims of America’s latest mass shooting at (The: school/shopping centre/church/hospital/community centre) in (state/town/city)

Right-thinking members of the NRA are tonight sending their thoughts and prayers to the victims of America’s latest mass shooting(s) at (insert location/s)

Billy Bob Williams, on behalf of the NRA, immediately held a mentally ill person who would’ve done it anyway, responsible. And he was probably a Muslim, wasn’t he?

We shouldn’t have to keep publishing this!
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