RIP Sir Christopher Chode* MP a stalwart fighter for traditional Victorian values

Britain sadly lost one of it’s most passionate and vocal advocates for Victorian Values and Women’s Rights.

Few have gone further in protecting the legacy of women as property, than Sir Christopher Chode MP. A political titan, described as a man for whom the 20th Century never happened, a resolute upholder of tradition and defender of outdated modes of thought. Continue reading “RIP Sir Christopher Chode* MP a stalwart fighter for traditional Victorian values”

The Duke and Duchess of Sussex are set to start their family life on a ‘popular’ estate in Hastings

East Sussex County Council have revealed that the new home, of the Duke and Duchess of Sussex. is a two-bed maisonette on a ‘popular’ estate in Hastings. It’s situated within handy walking distance of the seafront, local shops, major bus routes and there’s a thriving nursery around the corner. It comes with it’s own car-parking.

Charles Boniface said, “It’s a great honour for Sussex, to have Royalty living amongst us. The Prince was very clear that he wanted to live amongst his people.” Continue reading “The Duke and Duchess of Sussex are set to start their family life on a ‘popular’ estate in Hastings”

Chelsea have big plans for Morata

In spite of the largely derisive atmosphere surrounding the lanky Spanish forward, Chelsea FC have revealed this week that they not only plan to keep faith with him, but that they have big plans for their all-time record signing.

After his horror miss against Bosnia while on international duty, Sarri was quick to leap to the forwards defence, “Look, it’s not easy to score from four yards, you have to really be able to control your legs. Some strikers can do this, some have other qualities, Alvaro is great, he always tidies up after himself and he’s very polite.” Continue reading “Chelsea have big plans for Morata”

God blames his own readers for his self-help book’s falling sales

The author of two bestselling self-help books has said his own readers are to blame for a decline in sales of his products as they have been taking some of his stories way too seriously.

Pan-dimensional deity God’s first book, The Old Testament, charts the adventures of an omniscient benefactor who impulsively decides to build a universe in under a week, and then spends the rest of recorded time trying to get the creatures in it to stop fucking things up for themselves. Continue reading “God blames his own readers for his self-help book’s falling sales”

Scottish Fitba sells television rights for 4 pints of Heavy, 3 sausage rolls and packet of Cheese and Onion crisps

Scottish fans were outraged when details of the latest fitba deal were announced. TV Sports giant, Sly, bought the tv rights to all Scottish League and Cup Fitba after a particularly long and heavy session in the Hey Pal pub in Glasgow’s East End.

Fitba fans across the nation feel their fitba has been demeaned and devalued by this cut price deal. Ginger Macreadie said “Aye, I ken we’re shite but we shuld a held oot for tattie scone.” Continue reading “Scottish Fitba sells television rights for 4 pints of Heavy, 3 sausage rolls and packet of Cheese and Onion crisps”

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