Architectural award goes to a field covered in tarmac

Architectural award for tarmac covered field

Consternation in Eastbourne as an exciting new arts and theatre complex wins the countries top architectural prize. The award of The Napton, given to the new building or installation that best exemplifies use of material and space in a contemporary setting; is seen as a major endorsement of the council’s controversial £320 Million cultural hub project. 

However, critics, Philistines and other illiterati, claim this is the council wasting the people’s money, once again. There was much local opposition to the Mayor’s vanity project. Continue reading “Architectural award goes to a field covered in tarmac”

Both sides in Brexit debate “not ruling out” genocide

Death preparing for genocide

The brutal genocide of one’s enemies should not be taken off the negotiating table, say both left and right wing Brexit activists, after months of shouting at each other on Twitter have failed to break the deadlock.

Pretend communist Socialist Kevin Hard MP tells The Chimp: “We’ve tried abuse, scorn, misrepresentation and fake outrage, but those alt-right bastards haven’t budged an inch despite all our efforts. They just get more stubborn the more shit we throw at them.” Continue reading “Both sides in Brexit debate “not ruling out” genocide”

Theresa May calls in immigrant workers to replace Brexit cabinet shortfall

New immigrant ministers arrive in uk

Following the latest spate of cabinet resignations, Theresa May was faced with a serious staffing shortfall. In order to solve this problem she has been forced to draught in immigrant ministers from The West Indies.

As the first batch of ministers arrived to help out, the Daily Mail was incandescent with rage. They claimed these immigrant ministers simply won’t understand our culture, or how our government works. Before adding that they would still be living here in 40 years time, probably on benefits.
Continue reading “Theresa May calls in immigrant workers to replace Brexit cabinet shortfall”

Fancy writing for Chatty? Would you like to see your work published?

Old fashioned writing machine

The Chatty Chimp is an online, topical, poo flinging satirical news site, looking to carve out our little niche on the internet. So, our reporters spend their time writing stories about everyday life, in the global Monkey House.

We love to give new writers a platform to have their work published. Our aim is to urge funny people to put fingers to keyboard, in 250 words or less, and tell us something we hadn’t thought of.  Continue reading “Fancy writing for Chatty? Would you like to see your work published?”

Euro 2020 allows useless teams in but there’s still no room for Scotland

European Championships Wall Chart

In the wake of hugely productive talks over the creation of an unfathomably brilliant 48-team World Cup, allowing space for sporting giants such as Azerbaijan, Lithuania and Bhutan, plans are afoot for a further expansion of the European Championships.

UEFA press guru, Dr Darren Devine, was on hand to unveil the scheme; “In 2016 we took a crucial step forward, moving from 16 to 24 teams. It’s only logical now that we move to the next stage in our evolution – 54 teams.” Continue reading “Euro 2020 allows useless teams in but there’s still no room for Scotland”

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