Scientists begin search for Australia’s missing backbone

Scientists and Doctors working at Credulous College have begun an extensive search for the long-lost Australian Spine.

Once upon a time the Australians were famous for their backbone. It provided strength and certainty in difficult times. Its absence was first noted when their cricket team turned in some woeful performances, for example failing to bowl out Alistair Cook.

This led to some light-hearted chants, such as “Are you England in disguise?” Of course, the England fans had no reason to believe this state of affairs would last long. Surely, the Australians would rediscover their backbone and return to thumping England all over the place.

Are you England in disguise?

Dominic Raabid claims he told his imaginary friend about No-Deal risks before 2016

Dominic Raabid claims he told his imaginary friend, Harvey Napton, about the risks of a no-deal prior to the 2016 referendum. He further asserts that he made it quite clear there was a real risk of leaving the EU with No-Deal and that this would be a good thing. What’s more he told him this on multiple occasions.

Harvey issued a statement denying these claims.

If I go I am not coming back!

Ryan Air pilots plan to ruin summer by flying planes as scheduled

Ryan Air Pilots have pledged to ruin summer for millions of travellers as part of their ongoing industrial dispute with management. The Pilots plan to run a full service, on time and with as little disruption as possible.

A distraught father of four, Ian Napton, “This is a disaster. I booked tickets with Ryan Air because I thought the flight would end up being cancelled. I haven’t even booked a hotel in Alicante, there didn’t seem any point.”

Were all going on a summer holiday!

Tony Adams to bring his experience of being tall to Rugby League

Rugby

The sport of Rugby League faces an exciting new dawn with the arrival of a fresh face in the much-vaunted Presidential throne, none other than footballing genius and waistcoat innovator, Tony Adams.

Some may be sceptical over Adams’s knowledge and understanding of the sport, but Tony is quick to put such claims to bed; “I understand they use their hands and throw the ball around, which will take some getting used to as in football this is not often the done thing. I’ve also noticed that Rugby League players seem to be fucking huge, which is another difference that I have identified.”

A Gary Owen
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