Margaret Thatcher Funeral procession

Margaret Thatcher to be resurrected on Easter Sunday

Church of England officials are horrified at the Conservatives latest parliamentary bill; proposing to bring Easter forward, in a bid to resurrect Margaret Thatcher.

With hope fading fast for a satisfactory end to the Brexit shit-shamble, this radical plan seems the only option. The exhumation of the Iron Lady seems the only way to rekindle the belief of the Tory Faithful.

He is not The Messiah

He’s Not The Messiah, he’s not even a naughty boy

Scientists, working at the University of Life, have concluded that Nigel Farage is not The Messiah, he’s not even a vary naughty boy!

The confusion arose when Nigel pledged to walk 250 of his people out of oppression and tyranny, to the promised land of London. He’d even laid on a bus.

One noted theologian said, “No, hang on! Isn’t that Moses?”

Neanderthal Skeleton undergoing an ATOS interview

Neanderthal declared fit to work by ATOS

Neanderthal, Jan Naptonmann, was declared fit for work after ATOS undertook an ‘At Home’ inspection of the 150,000  year old, Welsh resident.

Although, the DWP acknowledge his wide range of health problems, they say they aren’t a barrier to him getting a job. The Inspector feels withdrawing benefits would give Jan the motivation he needs to find employment.

White Hart Lane

White Hart Lane tube station to be renamed ‘Constant Disappointment’

As the White Hart Lane stadium redevelopment nears completion, plans to rename the nearest underground station get underway.

Football fans have been invited to choose the new name for White Hart Lane Tube Station. However, the authorities have clearly learned nothing from theĀ  ‘Boaty McBoatface’ incident.