Details of the Prime Minister’s Moonshot testing and tracing scheme are beginning to emerge.
In the expectation of getting a Canadian style Free Trade Agreement, the Prime Minister is going to bring in the Royal Canadian Mounted Police (Mounties) to hunt down errant pub-goers who falsify or refuse to give their contact details.
You know when you’ve been mounted!
In a move to boost national morale, the UK Government is to introduce a “National Optimism Bill” implementing a number of motivational initiatives to “perk up” the beleaguered population, Meh! Britannia.
Inspired by Jacob Rees-Mogg playing “Rule Britannia” on his mobile phone, one initiative will see a “Mighty Wurlitzer” organ replacing the Speaker’s chair in the House of Commons; evoking the patriotism inherent in the Music Halls and Picture Houses of yesteryear.
Notes from a small island
Boris Johnson is reintroducing lockdown as the threat of a return to doorstep clapping increases.
That clapping really got out of hand
Unless we abide by social distancing rules, we will find ourselves back on the doorstep, clapping for nurses and key workers. No one wants to go through that again, not with winter approaching.Boris Johnson, noted clapper
The Department of Education believes it has discovered the cause of the exam fiasco. Following a thorough and robust five minute enquiry, the tea lady, Gillian Napton (58), was held responsible.
If only I hadn’t mixed up the Earl Grey and the Twinnings
The Chimp has discovered that a long lost Ealing comedy script has become government policy. The script was apparently rejected as a plot for a ‘Carry On’ film. But by means unknown, the draft script found its way into the hands of a political lobbying group, who mistook it for a plan and enacted it.
Carry On Governing