Tag: Boris Johnson

Gove surprised the EU says Au Revoir mon ami

Michael Gove, the Minister responsible for Brexit No Deal planning, has expressed surprise that the EU27 don’t feel they should give in to British demands and serve up a withdrawal agreement which entirely suits Britain without regard for anybody else.

There might be 27 of them, but do they know who we are? Do they realise who they are dealing with here? We’re plucky Brits. We won the War, you know. We’ve got Boris in Downing Street now and fully 0.14% of the population voted to put him there.”

Ciao, Arrivederci, Adios and Goodbye

None of The Above

We don’t normally write Opinion columns, that is not our thing. However, one of our writers was a little irritated at the antics of the political monkeys. He submitted this piece. We sent it back, explaining it was Op Ed rather than satire. He pointed out that Jeremy Clarkson, James May and The Hamster were allowed one serious piece a year. We relented.

We would like to reinforce Colin’s comment that at Chatty we are politically unaffiliated. Whilst many stories are anti-government, that is because they are the government and in a position of power. We welcome submissions from across the political spectrum, (except Tommy Robinson, he can f**k off)

Colin’s Piece

Boris Johnson signs on as a writer at The Chatty Chimp

Boris Johnson

Here at The Chatty Chimp we are delighted to announce the journalistic coup of the week. We’ve managed to sign Boris Johnson as a writer on our little paper.

It wasn’t easy getting Boris to give up his £275,000 per year column at the Daily Torygraph, but the offer of free peanuts, bananas, tea, his own tyre swing and the promise of first crack at the new interns did the trick.

lEGE pLUS!

RIP – Boris ‘Bozo’ Johnson the best PM we never had

Boris beaten off

Sadly, Bozo Johnson has suddenly died. Details are sketchy but it appears he suffered an unfortunate accident with a mashie-niblick, after his best friend unexpectedly returned from golf. The lady of the house was unharmed.

Due to become Prime Minister, the untimely death of the noted scamp, womaniser and disingenuous motherfucker has deprived the country of one of the best leaders we never had.

Continue reading “RIP – Boris ‘Bozo’ Johnson the best PM we never had”
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