Michael Gove, the Minister responsible for Brexit No Deal
planning, has expressed surprise that the EU27 don’t feel they should give in
to British demands and serve up a withdrawal agreement which entirely suits
Britain without regard for anybody else.
“There might be 27 of them, but do they know who we are? Do they realise who they are dealing with here? We’re plucky Brits. We won the War, you know. We’ve got Boris in Downing Street now and fully 0.14% of the population voted to put him there.”
Ciao, Arrivederci, Adios and Goodbye
In Edinburgh, at the World’s largest comedy festival, ‘Bozo’ Johnson gets a one star review from The Scotsmen.
His agent said, “Obviously we’re disappointed that Bozo’s clown show wasn’t better recieved. We put almost no work into preparing for the festival and we’re gutted that the reviewers didn’t acknowledge the complete lack of effort.”
Bozo gets one1
A record number of call outs to the London Fire Brigade, has sparked an urgent investigation.
After an epic volume of incidents, where victims became trapped in their wardrobes, ‘heat stroke and confusion’, were thought to be the prime suspects.
On closer inspection however, it became evident that the casualties were in fact, ‘attempting to escape to Narnia.’
Come on in!
We don’t normally write Opinion columns, that is not our thing. However, one of our writers was a little irritated at the antics of the political monkeys. He submitted this piece. We sent it back, explaining it was Op Ed rather than satire. He pointed out that Jeremy Clarkson, James May and The Hamster were allowed one serious piece a year. We relented.
We would like to reinforce Colin’s comment that at Chatty we are politically unaffiliated. Whilst many stories are anti-government, that is because they are the government and in a position of power. We welcome submissions from across the political spectrum, (except Tommy Robinson, he can f**k off)
Here at The Chatty Chimp we are delighted to announce the
journalistic coup of the week. We’ve managed to sign Boris Johnson as a writer on
our little paper.
It wasn’t easy getting Boris to give up his £275,000 per
year column at the Daily Torygraph, but the offer of free peanuts, bananas, tea,
his own tyre swing and the promise of first crack at the new interns did the
Sadly, Bozo Johnson has suddenly died. Details are sketchy but it appears he suffered an unfortunate accident with a mashie-niblick, after his best friend unexpectedly returned from golf. The lady of the house was unharmed.
Due to become Prime Minister, the untimely death of the noted scamp, womaniser and disingenuous motherfucker has deprived the country of one of the best leaders we never had.
Continue reading “RIP – Boris ‘Bozo’ Johnson the best PM we never had”