Tag: Boris Johnson

Boris brings in the Mounties to run Track and Trace

Details of the Prime Minister’s Moonshot testing and tracing scheme are beginning to emerge. 

In the expectation of getting a Canadian style Free Trade Agreement, the Prime Minister is going to bring in the Royal Canadian Mounted Police (Mounties) to hunt down errant pub-goers who falsify or refuse to give their contact details. 

You know when you’ve been mounted!

Government to boost national mood with Meh! Britannia, Spitfire production and Jingoism

Meh! Britannia.

In a move to boost national morale, the UK Government is to introduce a “National Optimism Bill” implementing a number of motivational initiatives to “perk up” the beleaguered population, Meh! Britannia.

Inspired by Jacob Rees-Mogg playing “Rule Britannia” on his mobile phone, one initiative will see a “Mighty Wurlitzer” organ replacing the Speaker’s chair in the House of Commons; evoking the patriotism inherent in the Music Halls and Picture Houses of yesteryear. 

Notes from a small island

Lockdown reintroduced to prevent the return of doorstep clapping

Boris Johnson is reintroducing lockdown as the threat of a return to doorstep clapping increases.

Unless we abide by social distancing rules, we will find ourselves back on the doorstep, clapping for nurses and key workers. No one wants to go through that again, not with winter approaching.

Boris Johnson, noted clapper
That clapping really got out of hand

What A Carry On! starring Sid Johnson, Kenneth Williamson and Hatti Patel

The Chimp has discovered that a long lost Ealing comedy script has become government policy. The script was apparently rejected as a plot for a ‘Carry On’ film. But by means unknown, the draft script found its way into the hands of a political lobbying group, who mistook it for a plan and enacted it.

Carry On Governing