Tag: Boris Johnson

A handy template for Boris Johnson’s next Public Apology

Boris caught out again

Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening , I deeply regret that it’s necessary for me to make a public apology about using my newspaper column to promote my own interests using information I knew to be made up

Regretfully, I have to announce that someone has discovered I’ve been a naughty boy.

On this occasion I’d like to offer a full, an insincere apology, to my wife/my constituents/ the British People/The House of Commoners/  my wife again/my employer/my friends/my friends spouses/the wife’s friends husbands and finally my wife. Continue reading “A handy template for Boris Johnson’s next Public Apology”

A handy template for Boris Johnson’s next Public Apology

An apology from Boris

Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening , I deeply regret that it’s necessary for me to make a public apology. 

Regretfully, I have to announce that someone has discovered I’ve been a naughty boy.

On this occasion I’d like to offer a full, an insincere apology, to my wife/my constituents/ the British People/The House of Commoners/  my wife again/my employer/my friends/my friends spouses/the wife’s friends husbands and finally my wife. Continue reading “A handy template for Boris Johnson’s next Public Apology”

Theresa May calls in immigrant workers to replace Brexit cabinet shortfall

New immigrant ministers arrive in uk

Following the latest spate of cabinet resignations, Theresa May was faced with a serious staffing shortfall. In order to solve this problem she has been forced to draught in immigrant ministers from The West Indies.

As the first batch of ministers arrived to help out, the Daily Mail was incandescent with rage. They claimed these immigrant ministers simply won’t understand our culture, or how our government works. Before adding that they would still be living here in 40 years time, probably on benefits.
Continue reading “Theresa May calls in immigrant workers to replace Brexit cabinet shortfall”

Shock as Brexit makes buying an Aston Martin more unaffordable for everyday folk

Aston's to become unaffordable to those on benefits

There was outrage and disbelief across the country as Aston Martin revealed the price of their cars would have to rise, following Brexit.

Many of those working on low wages, whose income is topped up by benefits, have seen no increase in payments this year. This means many won’t be able to upgrade to Aston Martin’s latest model. Continue reading “Shock as Brexit makes buying an Aston Martin more unaffordable for everyday folk”

RIP – the lion hearted champion of truth, decency and traditional, white, middle-class values, that was The Daily Mail

Daily Mail preaching to the choir

In the modern era of high-quality online news websites, The Daily Mail has finally announced its imminent closure.

We haven’t printed any truthful news for nearly thirty years,” said Deputy Editor, Ian Napton. “Nobody here could accept how The Conservative Party treated Margaret, and our hearts haven’t quite been in it ever since. We run stories about house prices, cancer, immigrants, The Royal Family and the EU because people expect us to, but truthfully, I pay my twelve year old daughter a fiver a week to write those.” Continue reading “RIP – the lion hearted champion of truth, decency and traditional, white, middle-class values, that was The Daily Mail”

Brexit Referendum, part 2; Are you sure? Are you really, really sure? Absolutely 100%, no take-backs sure that you still want to leave?

Demand grows for a second referendum

Number 10 has conceded that a second referendum may be needed to sort out the dog’s breakfast that is Brexit. Although this is a climb down, sources close to the Prime Minister have let it be known that she is keener on the idea than she is letting on.

Government aide, Ian Napton, said, “When TM became PM, she was confident she could blame the public when it all went wrong but she’s somehow cocked it up and let the public off scott free. It should have been a doddle to say, ‘well look, you voted for this’, but she made a Horlicks of it all and is shouldering the blame. Continue reading “Brexit Referendum, part 2; Are you sure? Are you really, really sure? Absolutely 100%, no take-backs sure that you still want to leave?”

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