Tag: Brexit

As Theresa’s last day at work approaches, Downing Street staff ponder ideas for a suitable leaving gift

Bye Theresa, don't let the door hit you on the way out

As a bicycle rack is installed outside 10 Downing Street and a taxpayer-funded padlock is being wrapped as a welcome gift for the new Prime Minister, staff are preparing to say their farewells to Theresa May.

Ideas are being considered for what would constitute a suitable farewell gift, and a suggestion box has been left in the hallway, just behind the famous black front door, where all staff can discreetly leave suggestions.

What should we say?

Tory MP Mark Francois revealed to be a Ninja Assassin

Fat Ninja

MP and Toy Soldier Mark Francois has been publicly outed as a secret Ninja. Mark’s alter ego was revealed when he publicly announced that he had signed a death warrant on an Anti-Brexit campaigner.

It’s long been supposed that Mark was no stranger to silently delivering death, having previously admitted peeling potatoes on a Territorial Army camping trip to Wiltshire. What surprised onlookers was that he was so versed in the most covert and feared of the martial arts.

You WANT sOME?

All Social Media posts will have to be ‘Police Approved’

Approved for use on Social Media

As the right to be offended brigade swings into action the Government has announced that all Social Media posts require Police approval. The increasing number of people who have become upset after seeing something on the Internet has reached epidemic proportions.  

In order to meet the additional workload, The Police Service are diverting officers from proper police work, like catching; TV Licence dodgers, speeding footballers, Wetherspoon drinkers and the homeless. Now they will ensure that no-one is in the least bit offended by some asinine comment posted on social media.

go on, You know you want to!

Liam Fox manages to negotiate exactly the same trade deal as we already have

Trade Sec does it again

Liam Fox, Britain’s premiere trade negotiator has announced, without a hint of irony, that he has successfully managed to negotiate a post-Brexit trade deal with South Korea.

Under the terms of the deal, we will maintain exactly the same trading conditions that we had with South Korea under the EU.

The delicate and complex negotiations have taken many hours in front of a photocopier with a bottle of tippex.

More? Surely not!

Desperate Migrants hauled from The Channel and returned to Birmingham

Catch that migrant, catch him now

More Migrants have been caught in the middle of the English Channel and have been returned to Birmingham

Today a joint operation between the Police and the Border Force captured three boats full of migrants desperate to flee the UK. The families were taken back to shore, where they were placed in police custody. They are expected to be returned to their homes, in Birmingham sometime tomorrow. Continue reading “Desperate Migrants hauled from The Channel and returned to Birmingham”

Bozo withdraws from Tory leadership race after Chris Grayling pledges his full support

Boris beaten off

Boris Johnson has withdrawn from the Tory Leadership campaign, after winning unequivocal endorsement from Chris Grayling.

Political pundits were surprised by Mr Grayling’s decision to support Boris. “At first we thought he was joking, perhaps he’d meant to announce his candidature but had somehow gotten it wrong again. However, it appears not, he was genuine.” said one. Continue reading “Bozo withdraws from Tory leadership race after Chris Grayling pledges his full support”

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