House of Commons
Office of The Prime Minister
10 Downing Street
To: Sir Graham Brady MP
Chair 1922 Committee
House of Commons
Dear Sir Graham,
It is with a tremendous sense of relief I write to you, to express my complete lack of confidence in myself. Continue reading “Theresa May writes to Sir Graham saying she no longer has any confidence in herself”
Charles Darwin has interrupted his 136-year death to correct a fundamental error in his seminal “On the Origin of Species”.
While many of Darwin’s assertions remain unquestionably true, such as religion being utterly batshit and pigeons being dinosaurs in disguise, the bearded Victorian revenant apologised for underestimating humanity’s ability to produce Brexit. Continue reading “Sorry about Brexit, says Charles Darwin”
After a day of parliamentary nightmares, Ebenee May has been plagued by ghoulish visions, rattling chains and things going bump in the night. Experts have been drafted in to help Ebenee sleep at night.
The unearthly spectre of David Cameron disturbs her slumber, showing her the consequences of Christmas past. She lies awake, besieged by hostile immigrants, street riots and the Windrush generation but, owing to service cuts there’s not a police officer to help. Continue reading ““Bah! Humbug! Why can’t I sleep?” cries Ebenee May”
Two of UKIP’s leading lights, Nigel Farage and Suzanne Evans, have publicly quit UKIP after finding out the party was ‘a little bit racist’.
Apparently this came as a shock as they understood the party to be a force for enlightenment, inclusivity, change and goodness. They were, both, very disappointed to discover they were, in fact, the bad guys. Continue reading “Farage and Evans quit UKIP after discovering the party is ‘a little bit racist’”
Loud foot stamping could be heard resonating through the Houses of Commons last night, after Father Christmas confirmed he wouldn’t be granting Theresa May anything on her Christmas Brexit wish list.
At twenty nine pages long, Theresa’s wish list appears to be too much work for Santa and it’s looking increasingly likely that Father Christmas will pass over Downing Street altogether. Continue reading “Santa’s end of year review puts Theresa on The Naughty List”
Sympathy is beginning to mount for the gathering misfortune faced by Mother Theresa May.
As she wanders through the hallowed halls of Westminster, she remains devout in her mission to convert anyone who will listen, to her Brexit bible. Continue reading “Mother Theresa May continues to pray for a miracle as the Devil tests the Brexit Faithful”