Tag: Brexit

Football’s Ian Holloway looks Forward to Post-Brexit Utopia

Handball

An interesting appearance from the mystifyingly unemployed soccer supremo, Ian Holloway, on Sky Sports’ flagship nonsense shouting enterprise ‘the Debate’ (which as much follows the rules of a normal debate as two pissed up Doncaster Rovers fans screaming insults at each other in the door to a pub on Saturday night) shed new light on the rumbling Brexit fiasco after Holloway gave the EU credit for making a right mess of the handball rules in football.

Football’s for the English!

Donald Trump to buy the Isle of Wight

As part of a dynamic, free trading post Brexit world the UK government has decided to seize on Donald Trump’s love of islands by offering to sell him the Isle of Wight

The President recently tried to buy Greenland but was rebuffed. Knowing that he had cash to burn the burghers of Whitehall decided they could help restore the government finances by selling the island to the USA.

Trump whiteland

Saj The Maj wowing audiences with his Magic Money Tree act

Rabbit form a hat

Britain’s newest and most up-and-coming magician is wowing them in the Shires and Backbenches. Not since the legendary Paul Daniels had Britain seen a trick like this one.

Known as Saj The Maj, he’s magically finding money for everyone, so his act is terribly popular. “Old magic doesn’t set pulses racing any more,” he told us. “Sleight of hand has been seen through. It’s just basic dishonesty when you strip the Manifesto policy wordings away, and people want more. Previous magicians have exhausted the old ‘pulling a rabbit out of a hat’ routine, too, so I needed something new. I looked at this old tree in the garden at the back of my new house and thought, hmm, a money tree. The previous bloke who lived here talked a lot about money tree policy, and now I understand what he was on about. I’ve built my act around it.”

Roll Up! Roll Up!

Gove declares practice power cut drill a success

Michael Gove’s No Deal preparations received a shot in the arm today when a practice power cut succeeded right across the country.

Railway stations, roads and other essential public services were plunged into sudden chaos when the switch was flicked. “It’s important that we run these drills,” a spokesman for the Minister said. “The Cabinet has agreed to a series of practice emergency situations so that the public are accustomed to things not quite going to plan.”

Brexit COntinues

Gove surprised the EU says Au Revoir mon ami

Michael Gove, the Minister responsible for Brexit No Deal planning, has expressed surprise that the EU27 don’t feel they should give in to British demands and serve up a withdrawal agreement which entirely suits Britain without regard for anybody else.

There might be 27 of them, but do they know who we are? Do they realise who they are dealing with here? We’re plucky Brits. We won the War, you know. We’ve got Boris in Downing Street now and fully 0.14% of the population voted to put him there.”

Ciao, Arrivederci, Adios and Goodbye
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