Tag: Brexit

The Pound achieves parity with The Peanut

In a historic day for Britain’s finances The Pound achieved parity with The Peanut. The Governments devaluation strategy, using the Brexit mechanism, has worked. This morning The Pound plummeted past The Euro and The Banana before settling at one Peanut.

The Government claim this is a fantastic opportunity for their friends to trade peanuts, many had already short sold The Pound and filled their bird feeders.

More from The Organ Grinder

Pound now the world’s worst performing major currency

Day Trader selling the pound

Economists are wailing as the Pound continues to plummet against every other currency in the world. 

Ian Napton, a currency trader, told us, “I don’t even need my lucky coin toss for this one. I just bet on the Pound going down and collect my winnings at the end of the day.”

The Pound is now officially the worst performing major currency in the world over the past 24 hours, over the past month, over the past three months and over the past year, an achievement Michel Barnier couldn’t have conjured up in his wettest of dreams.

Find out more about pobble beads, here!

RIP – Boris ‘Bozo’ Johnson the best PM we never had

Boris beaten off

Sadly, Bozo Johnson has suddenly died. Details are sketchy but it appears he suffered an unfortunate accident with a mashie-niblick, after his best friend unexpectedly returned from golf. The lady of the house was unharmed.

Due to become Prime Minister, the untimely death of the noted scamp, womaniser and disingenuous motherfucker has deprived the country of one of the best leaders we never had.

Continue reading “RIP – Boris ‘Bozo’ Johnson the best PM we never had”

RIP Jeremy Chunt – The man who beat off strong competition to become the most hated Tory MP

Jeremy Chunt

We are sad to report the untimely demise of controversial politician and fearless Health Service champion, Jeremy Chunt.

His outstanding political achievement was, as Health Secretary, becoming Britain’s most disliked politician. The value of this award shouldn’t be underestimated given the competition, within the Tory Government, for this top honour.

Many in the media had difficulty in correctly pronouncing his unusual surname, although Jim Naughtie and Justin Webb on Radio 4, famously, managed to get it right.

Continue reading “RIP Jeremy Chunt – The man who beat off strong competition to become the most hated Tory MP”

Corbyn confirms support for 2nd Brexit referendum or does he?

Jeremy Corbyn Makes up his mind

Jeremy Corbyn has confirmed that the Labour Party will campaign to Remain in the EU under a second referendum, which is not happening, unless Britain supports a decision to leave.

In the clearest statement yet from the Labour supremo, it was announced that Labour might support Brexit, or it might not, and it definitely wouldn’t support no deal or a damaging Tory Brexit unless the Unions said it was okay to do so, which they haven’t so far.

In, Out, Shake it all about!

Boris wins leadership vote after his friends get extra ballot papers

Boris Johnson

Damning evidence of how low Boris Johnson will go to become the next Prime Minister came to light today when it was confirmed that all of his friends have each had an extra thousand ballot papers issued to them.

Reminiscent of Baldrick’s election to The Commons at the Dunny-On-The-Wold By-Election, when Blackadder voted for him 16,472 times to properly express his true level of support for his candidate, Boris was of the view that a few thousands of extra votes from his closest chums wouldn’t go amiss. Alas, his plan was foiled when his Old Etonian pal, Tristan Farquhar-Smith, spilled his Dom Perignon on his batch of ballot papers and asked for “a few thousand more.”

Here, Here!
The Chatty Chimp is owned and operated by Chattychimp Ltd