Tag: Brexit

The Brexit Secretary, Stephen Barclay has gone missing. Please search garden sheds, outbuildings and anywhere a vulnerable MP can build a den. Let’s get him home.

An urgent appeal has been launched across to try and find missing Brexit Secretary, Stephen Barclay.

He was last seen entering 10 Downing Street on 16th of November, 2018. After a short press conference where his appointment, as Brexit Secretary, was announced, he left the building and has not been seen or heard from since. Continue reading “The Brexit Secretary, Stephen Barclay has gone missing. Please search garden sheds, outbuildings and anywhere a vulnerable MP can build a den. Let’s get him home.”

P&O relocate to Cyprus after finding out the Chris Grayling will be in charge of cross channel ferry services

P&O have announced that they will be registering their cross channel ferries under a Cypriot Flag of Convenience.

They’ve decided to change fleet registration after finding out that Chris Grayling, Minister for Transport, will have responsibility for Cross Channel ferry services once Britain leaves the EU, on 29 March 2019.  Continue reading “P&O relocate to Cyprus after finding out the Chris Grayling will be in charge of cross channel ferry services”

Donald Trump unexpectedly resigns after reading an abusive and critical tweet sent by Gav from Eastbourne

Startling world news today, when Donald Trump unexpectedly announced his immediate resignation, as President of The United States. World leaders were surprised and delighted at this sudden burst of good news. All tried to claim credit and confirmed they knew it was going to happen.

President Trump issued a statement explaining the reason for this sudden decision, “I’d just finished my McDonald’s and was having a quiet ten on the toilet, reading my twitter feed, when I saw a tweet, sent by Gav from Eastbourne. It called me a giant orange balloon and said I was doing a crap job. It then suggested I leave quickly and go and play golf.”

Continue reading “Donald Trump unexpectedly resigns after reading an abusive and critical tweet sent by Gav from Eastbourne”

Emergency Response Nannies called into Parliament to sort out the naughty little children

Angry scenes in parliament including backstabbing, intimidation and verbal abuse, resulted in Mary Poppins and Nanny McPhee making emergency appearances to restore law and order.

Poppins was aghast, when M.Ps insisted it was just another day at the office. She reported: ‘‘Nobody here is practically perfect in everyway. In fact, Michael Gove measured in as ‘deeply suspicious, with a hint of authoritarian.’’ Continue reading “Emergency Response Nannies called into Parliament to sort out the naughty little children”

EU to clarify Theresa’s Withdrawal Agreement by speaking slowly and loudly

Following repeated visits, by Theresa May, to Brussels to try and find some clarification of The Withdrawal Agreement the EU has agreed to try and help.

One EU spokesperson said, “The EU are not going to re-negotiate the agreement. It has been a long torturous process, made all the more difficult by us sticking to all the points we clearly set out as non-negotiable 2 years ago. We are not doing it again. Always Theresa is coming back with, can we change this? can we change that? Well, NO YOU CAN’T.” Continue reading “EU to clarify Theresa’s Withdrawal Agreement by speaking slowly and loudly”

Decoded radio signals from across the Galaxy reveal Aliens hidden message, “Brexit, ffs, will you just get on with it”

Scientists have picked up mysterious radio signals from across the other side of the galaxy. Using some pretty sophisticated software, cryptographers from The Dan Brown Academy, working with top astrophysicists, have decoded the message.

It reads, “Dear Humanity, we’re sick to the back teeth of Brexit, either leave or stay but stop dragging it out, ffs just get on with it.” Continue reading “Decoded radio signals from across the Galaxy reveal Aliens hidden message, “Brexit, ffs, will you just get on with it””

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