Tag: Brexit

The Devil adds an eternal, unresolvable, Brexit to the punishments of Hell

Satan, host to The Damned and deliverer of The Eternal Punishments has come up with a new, and terrifying, circle of Hell, The Brexitarium.

Hades spokesman, Ian Napton, explained, “Satan has spent the last couple of years watching the British people slowly, and irretrievably, sinking further and further into despair as the endless Brexit debate has gone on. He feels that an eternity of listening to an unresolvable Brexit, would be a fitting torture for the souls of the damned.” Continue reading “The Devil adds an eternal, unresolvable, Brexit to the punishments of Hell”

Chris Grayling seems unsure what a queue of lorries looks like. We’ve provided a picture to help.

Chris Grayling, Minister for Transport, seems unfamiliar with what a queue of lorries looks like. In preparation for a No Deal Brexit, his department has arranged for 89 lorries to roll around Kent, to simulate the disruption caused by 12,000 trucks a day being stranded at Dover.

Critics wondered why he hadn’t heard of Operation Stack. This is where Kent Police close 3 Junctions of a motorway, and use an airport called Manston, to stack up lorries when the weather is a bit iffy or the French want a day off. Continue reading “Chris Grayling seems unsure what a queue of lorries looks like. We’ve provided a picture to help.”

Hers’s to a very Happy New Year Everyone, have a wonderful 1956

With 2019 around the corner, details of life post-Brexit are emerging.

From 30 March, Britain will be moving back to the much less complicated 240 pence and 20 shillings to the pound approach to money. Guineas, two bob bits, sixpences and farthings will all be making a comeback, replacing the hideous European 100 pence to the pound idea which Brits have had so much trouble coping with over the last 48 years. Continue reading “Hers’s to a very Happy New Year Everyone, have a wonderful 1956”

Brexit problem solved by having one week’s No Brexit, one week’s Soft Brexit and finally a good hard one

Ian Napton, has come up with a Brexit solution so ingenious he can’t believe no one ever thought of it before.

I was sitting in the bath, mulling things over and I had this eureka moment. I suddenly realised the answer was to give everyone what they think they want.” he explained. Continue reading “Brexit problem solved by having one week’s No Brexit, one week’s Soft Brexit and finally a good hard one”

PM completes Fallout 76 to find it’s actually Brexit

Prime Minister Theresa May has completed the apocalyptic online gameplay of Fallout 76 on her Xbox One to the shock discovery that it was in fact real-life Britain she was fucking with.

May, 62, made the discovery when things didn’t stop getting worse even though she had wreaked all the destructive chaos in her formidable, spidery arsenal.

Continue reading “PM completes Fallout 76 to find it’s actually Brexit”

The Chatty Chimp is owned and operated by Chattychimp Ltd