Red-faced executives at the Nissan plant in Sunderland are expecting harsh words from their bosses in Japan tomorrow morning as their counterparts at Honda’s Swindon factory stole a march by announcing the closure of their factory first.
Sunderland, the poster town for Vote Leave, realised it had dropped a clanger roughly twenty seconds after polls closed at the 2016 EU Referendum, and Remainers everywhere have scoffed ever since at people voting to become unemployed. Now Swindon has joined in on the act, also voting Leave and succeeding in closing a major local employer in consequence, but doing it first. Continue reading “Honda smashes Nissan in the race for the Brexit Door”
After a rather difficult weekend, Britannia has updated her Facebook relationship status to, ‘It’s Complicated’.
As the on/off relationship with her sexy European Pen-Pal, Jean-Claude Schmidt, comes to an inglorious and messy end, Britannia has gone on one disastrous date after another. Continue reading “Britannia Updates her Facebook Relationship status to ‘It’s Complicated’”
Initially, Nasa scientists were baffled as to why one of their oldest, and most successful, planetary exploration vehicles, The Mars Opportunity Rover, suddenly stopped functioning.
Following detailed investigation, they’ve determined it was afflicted by Marvin’s Syndrome, named after Marvin The Paranoid Android, a mechanically depressed robot from The Hitchhikers Guide to The Galaxy.
Analysis showed systems failures, over-loads and glitches being reported every time news reports featured Brexit stories. Data telemetry also indicated the rover was reporting pain in all the diodes down its’ left side. Continue reading “Nasa’s Mars Opportunity Rover does a Marvin, choosing suicide as Brexit drags on”
In one of the more definitive results, in a National Vote, Britain has overwhelmingly chosen The Okey-Cokey as its entry into the Eurovision Song Contest.
Beating off strong competition from such nostalgia pop as; The White Cliffs of Dover Car Park, by Failing Grayling; Rule Britannia by Little Dick and The Johnsons, and F U EU by controversial rappers, The Elite, The Okey-Cokey was the surprise winner of the People’s Vote. Continue reading “UK selects The Okey-Cokey as its entry into The Eurovision Song Contest”
Charles Darwin has interrupted his 136-year death to correct a fundamental error in his seminal “On the Origin of Species”.
While many of Darwin’s assertions remain unquestionably true, such as religion being utterly batshit and pigeons being dinosaurs in disguise, the bearded Victorian revenant apologised for underestimating humanity’s ability to produce Brexit. Continue reading “Sorry about Brexit, says Charles Darwin”
Satan has contacted Donald Tusk to discuss Hell’s capacity to take newly damned souls.
The Infernal One, and the architect of Eternal Damnation, called Mr Tusk; ”Hello, Donald? I’ve got the right one, haven’t I? You’re not the orange one, are you?…Good. Look Don, you don’t get to sub-let sections of hell like it’s your personal Air B&B. It’s my domain and I say who gets to stay and who doesn’t. Capisce?” Continue reading “The Devil calls Donald Tusk to discuss Hells over-capacity and to tell him he can’t sub-let rooms, its not an Air BnB”