Theresa May and Arlene Foster are on the verge of divorcing ahead of this months budget speech. This could spell disaster for Theresa May’s future plans, as without the support of the nice people from Norn Ireland her government doesn’t have a working majority and she may well lose her position.
It’s thought the split has occurred as the DUP have spent the £1 Billion Theresa gave them and without further funding, Arlene doesn’t see any point in running the country any longer. Continue reading “DUP say “Thanks for the money, Theresa, but we’re off now””
Little Englanders, such as Naughty Nigel, Bonking Boris, Mad Michael and Jolly Jakes believe Brexit means Brexit. Now the Little Englanders have gone full gammon after seeing the EU Flags flying during the Ryder Cup. They want golf to respect the views of all Brexiteers and bin all them damn foreigners.
Interviewed in the Brussels sponsored EU Corporate Entertainment suite at the Ryder Cup, Naughty Nigel wanted to know what the golfing authorities thought they were doing including foreigners on the same team as England and Norn Ireland. Continue reading “Little Englanders demand golf respects the views of Brexit and stops including bloody foreigners in the Ryder Cup”
Sadly, Britain’s lost one of our most anonymous, and least effective, front-line politicians, Dr Flying Focks.
Dr Focks graduated from the University of Glasgow, a feat in itself. After qualifying as a GP, he felt better suited to a career in politics, rather than one where he actually helped people. Continue reading “RIP – Dr Flying Focks, the man who sent Theresa May to conga round The Congo”
Like many middle-aged people Mrs May dreamt of the holiday of a life-time and spent two years planning her Grande Aventura. She arranged the perfect trip calling in on the historic and cultural centres of Europe.
The car of choice was a vintage Jaguar. It was once a byword for power, elegance and an iconic example of British engineering. Although a pleasure to drive, it wasn’t noted for its reliability. Sensibly, she signed up for the AA’s, European Breakdown Assistance. Continue reading “Plucky English housewife, Mrs May, calls out the AA after her car breaks down during her Grand Tour of Europe”
The three year degree course will cover all of the key jobs, and skills, currently undertaken by economic migrants; Fruit-Picking, waiting tables, home and office cleaning, coffee server, caring for the elderly, hospital porter, taxi-driver, hod carrier and sex worker. Continue reading “University of Life to offer a post-Brexit degree in fruit-picking, cleaning and making coffee”
Special Branch have been called in, following an orchestrated attempt to endanger the lives of leading political figures and Nigel Farrage. The prominent politicians received, by post, ‘All you can eat’ gift vouchers for an Italian Restaurant Chain in Salisbury.
Reminiscent of the Night of the Long Knives the attack has been described as, “An unacceptable threat to our democracy” by Tory Brexiteers, and a “Bloody good start” by the rest of the country. Continue reading “Mass assassination attempt on the lives of Mogg, Gove, Hunt, Johnson and Farrage after they all receive gift vouchers for an Italian Restaurant Chain in Salisbury”