Tag: British

Britain’s national psychosis manifests as Mark Francois

Mark Francois Homunculus

The enormous cloud of anger, ignorance and intransigence emitted by the people of Britain has taken human form and called itself Mark Francois.

No record can be found of the creature’s existence before the country’s Brexit mania peaked at the beginning of this year, leading experts to believe the homunculus has been conjured up by mass psychosis. Continue reading “Britain’s national psychosis manifests as Mark Francois”

Gays get stoned but not in a good way

Stoned to death

Following on from Facebook’s appointment of Nick Clegg, other despotic personality cults have been looking to employ ex-leaders of the Liberal Democrats.

Their former leader Tim Farron, has resurfaced after laying low for a while. Now unexpectedly employed as the Home Secretary in Brunei, his centrepiece policy decision “Gays to be stoned to death” was unveiled by his new boss, The Sultan, yesterday. Continue reading “Gays get stoned but not in a good way”

Cocaine users sue dealers after scientists find talc has a cancer risk

Cancer risk in talc used to cut cocaine

A bunch of American lawyers looking for the next cash cow, found a study linking the use of talcum powder to an increased risk of cancer. This has resulted in several class action lawsuits, in the states, as cocaine users sue their dealers.

Meanwhile, British cocaine dealers have become paranoid and gone into a highly agitated tailspin, after it transpired that they may, also, face liability for failing to disclose cancer risks. This means customers were unable to make an informed choice.
Continue reading “Cocaine users sue dealers after scientists find talc has a cancer risk”

Britannia Updates her Facebook Relationship status to ‘It’s Complicated’

After a rather difficult weekend, Britannia has updated her Facebook relationship status to, ‘It’s Complicated’.

As the on/off relationship with her sexy European Pen-Pal, Jean-Claude Schmidt, comes to an inglorious and messy end, Britannia has gone on one disastrous date after another.  Continue reading “Britannia Updates her Facebook Relationship status to ‘It’s Complicated’”

Hey Ho Hop artists, The Somerset Paddy Ticklers are surprise favourites to win big at the MTV (EU) Awards

Sunday 4th November sees the annual MTV (EU) Award ceremony, to be held in Bilbao. This year’s ceremony looks like throwing up a surprise or two with traditional English counter-culture band, The Somerset Paddy Ticklers tipped to pick up a couple of awards.  Continue reading “Hey Ho Hop artists, The Somerset Paddy Ticklers are surprise favourites to win big at the MTV (EU) Awards”

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