A bunch of American lawyers looking for the next cash cow, found a study linking the use of talcum powder to an increased risk of cancer. This has resulted in several class action lawsuits, in the states, as cocaine users sue their dealers.
Meanwhile, British cocaine dealers have become paranoid and gone into a highly agitated tailspin, after it transpired that they may, also, face liability for failing to disclose cancer risks. This means customers were unable to make an informed choice.
Continue reading “Cocaine users sue dealers after scientists find talc has a cancer risk”
In the modern era of high-quality online news websites, The Daily Mail has finally announced its imminent closure.
“We haven’t printed any truthful news for nearly thirty years,” said Deputy Editor, Ian Napton. “Nobody here could accept how The Conservative Party treated Margaret, and our hearts haven’t quite been in it ever since. We run stories about house prices, cancer, immigrants, The Royal Family and the EU because people expect us to, but truthfully, I pay my twelve year old daughter a fiver a week to write those.” Continue reading “RIP – the lion hearted champion of truth, decency and traditional, white, middle-class values, that was The Daily Mail”
Like many drivers of German cars, Ian Napton considers the road network to be his own personal playground. He regularly exceeds the speed limit, cut people up at roundabouts, pointlessly switches lanes in traffic jams, drive two feet behind the car in front, bang his horn relentlessly and jumps through traffic lights.
It was to shave precious seconds from his journey that he purchased a car with a top speed of 180 mph, despite speed limits of 70 mph or lower. Continue reading “Speeding Audi driver uses the two minutes saved on his drive home to discover a cure for cancer”