As the Edinburgh Festival kicks off, supplies of Avocado, Quinoa and Hummus have reached drastically low levels, with many restaurants having their entire menu wiped out. One restaurant was forced to close by 11.30 in the morning after smashing their last avocado.
The problem was caused by the sudden influx of Middle Englanders. Stranded North of the Border and miles from the nearest Waitrose, desperate families rushed to Stockbridge restaurants only to find the doors locked. Gilly Giles said “I don’t know what we are going to do. If Giles doesn’t get his poached duck egg and smashed av on sourdough he’s grumpy all day.”