Tag: Children

Scientists prove that when mummy needs some help around the house, daddy’s bound to have buggered off again

Scientists have unveiled an algorithm relating to men, which plots the converse law of need, verses availability, in times of urgency.

Dubbed the McPhee paper, extensive research into male behaviour patterns, suggested that the greater the severity of the family crisis, the least likely they are to be contactable. Continue reading “Scientists prove that when mummy needs some help around the house, daddy’s bound to have buggered off again”

Middle England have tutted loudly after their request for special driving rights was dismissed

Widespread outrage is extending amongst Middle England, as their petition to exclude themselves from certain DVLA rules has been dismissed.

Multiple signatories had expressed the desire to be formally exempt from general ‘irritating’ rules, which had caused  ‘abject distress.’

Firstly, 4X4 vehicle drivers, insisted that they be permitted to park freely on double yellow lines, as well as the zig-zags in front of schools. Speaking passionately, Gillian Napton of Clapham declared, ‘’It’s utterly frightful if Tilly and Tarquin are expected to walk more than two metres to the car, after an exhausting day of studies.’’ Continue reading “Middle England have tutted loudly after their request for special driving rights was dismissed”

Arty mum asked to leave a trendy coffee shop after her emancipated toddler disturbed the Wa

A controversial decision to remove a group of wistful arty-types, with their accompanying offspring, from an artisan brasserie, has been met with widespread derision in middle England.

After three hours, having purchased only one skinny soya latte and three biodegradable straws, the proprietor Giuseppe Groucho, asked the entourage to move on. Continue reading “Arty mum asked to leave a trendy coffee shop after her emancipated toddler disturbed the Wa”

Dave Moses wins ‘Dad of The Year’ after babysitting his own kids

Glowing tributes poured in yesterday, for Dave Moses, after achieving the auspicious accolade of Dad of the Year, at the Dead Duck pub, New Morden.

With rose petals falling at his feet, Dave shared his inspirational experiences boasting, ‘‘At least once a month I babysit the kids, so my missus can do the weekly shop in peace.’’ He went on to say, ‘‘There’s nothing she loves more than, wandering the aisles, deciding what to cook for dinner.’Continue reading “Dave Moses wins ‘Dad of The Year’ after babysitting his own kids”

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