Tag: City

BJ’s word ban spells joy for makers of correction fluid

Following Boris Johnson’s announcement that oldthink words would now be banned, shares in correction fluid giant, Tittex, have gone through the roof.

Words that are now DoubleVerboten include; Brexit, Implementation Period, Ireland, No Deal, Partnership, No Irish Border, Money for the NHS, selling the NHS to the Americans, Nissan, spending promises, Scotland, Northern Ireland and Ireland again. Any references to these terms must now be ‘rectified’.

I know it’s what I said but it’s not what I meant said Boris!

FCA Forced to clean up their own mess

The regulator tasked with cleaning up the Financial Services industry has been found to have been in need of cleaning its own act up.

The Financial Conduct Authority, frequently compared in terms of usefulness with chocolate teapots, has admitted its staff don’t have the best standards of behaviour around the office.

There was ordure, by the bucket load

Fat Cats get to work fewer hours for more money

Fat Cat City workers are demanding that they should now only have to work part-time hours.

Traders, Big Wigs and other City types have complained that the long hours they work cause them to have insufficient time to spend all of their money, and they should now be allowed to work from 9.00 till 4.00 only.

Buy! Buy! Sell! Sell! Right, time to trouser the readies

Protestors protesting about Protest Marches run into counter protest

Protestors were out in force, in Central London, in protest at the number of protest marches being held in the city.

The campaign started after the latest protest march caused some inconvenience to city folk. Londoners decided they had had enough, and formed their own protest group. Shortly afterwards, they took to the streets, in a largely peaceful protest. Continue reading “Protestors protesting about Protest Marches run into counter protest”

Die you bitch, for f***s sake die

A man from Dorset stood accused, by former friends, of having seriously impaired moral judgement. Colin Adams (52) confessed, that since he was divorced over a decade ago, he has maintained a joint life assurance policy which would pay out £500,000 in the event his diabetic alcoholic ex-wife did the decent thing and popped her clogs before the policy expires next year. Continue reading “Die you bitch, for f***s sake die”