Tag: Covid-19

Where’s Wally sponsor Boris’s world-beating Track and Trace Programme

Where’s Wally are to sponsor Boris Johnson’s world-beating Track and Trace Programme.

A spokesman for the company said, “It seems like a natural fit. If you are out and about, but you ought to be inside, you’re a bit of a Wally, aren’t you? The instructions are clear.”

I see him here, I see him there, he could be anywhere
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The Government have handled Covid-19 brilliantly, says Boris

Growing pressure for an inquiry into their handling of the Covid-19 pandemic has been rejected by the UK government. A spokesperson from No. 10 stated there was no point because they had been brilliant so far.

How are the Government doing, Mr Johnson?
We did everything we could, when should have, even though we didn’t know what we were doing!

Covid App trial cancelled after designer’s Gran signs up to Tinder by mistake

The trial of the Contact Tracing App was cancelled after the designer’s Gran accidentally signed up to Tinder.

Mabel Napton (68) was very proud that her Grandson, Ian, designed the Government’s Covid-19 contact tracing app. As a show of support, she bought a mobile phone and downloaded the app. The sign-up process was simple, and after entering basic details and posting a picture of herself, she was good to go.  

Whose emissions were like those of horses (Ezekiel 23:20)

BBC News coverage to be cut to 10 minutes a day

With the worldwide lockdown curtailing almost all activity, the BBC has decided to cut their news output to 10 minutes a day.

The BBC’s Head of News said, “This is a fantastic opportunity for us to save a packet. Nothing is happening, so all we need is a bulletin that leads with ‘Corona Virus Lockdown continues’, follows it up with ‘valiant NHS Staff don’t have enough PPE’ and finishes with a heart warming story about some child from Middlesborough getting a thousand likes for his dead Granny on Instagram, before she looks wistfully at the camera and tells us that, “It’s what she would have wanted”.

Thank fu&7 for that says Kirsty Wark

Seagulls useless at fishing

Seagulls in the UK have applied for humanitarian aid.

The Great Squawker of the Seagull Council has pleaded for supplies in a communique to the Royal Society for the Protection of Birds.

A spokesperson for the RSPB explained ….. “The current seagull population are many generations away from their ancestors who knew how to fish and forage from the ocean or shoreline meaning those skills have been lost, and therefore the prospect of millions starving to death is very real.

We’ve evolved beyond fishing say seagulls