Tag: Donald Trump

Donald Trump to buy the Isle of Wight

As part of a dynamic, free trading post Brexit world the UK government has decided to seize on Donald Trump’s love of islands by offering to sell him the Isle of Wight

The President recently tried to buy Greenland but was rebuffed. Knowing that he had cash to burn the burghers of Whitehall decided they could help restore the government finances by selling the island to the USA.

Trump whiteland

Trump says ‘Hey guys! these shootings aren’t cool’

What? What do you want me to do?

President Trump has caused widespread alarm again, this time on his own doorstep.

Following two high profile mass shootings in Texas and Ohio, the President’s language lurched at first towards cautious common sense and then to the actual bleeding obvious. “Perhaps more has to be done” he ventured, before going the whole hog, saying, “This has been going on for years, for years and years in our country and we have to get it stopped.

Bang Bang

The NRA send thoughts and prayers to victims of America’s latest mass shooting at (The: school/shopping centre/church/hospital/community centre) in (state/town/city)

Right-thinking members of the NRA are tonight sending their thoughts and prayers to the victims of America’s latest mass shooting(s) at (insert location/s)

Billy Bob Williams, on behalf of the NRA, immediately held a mentally ill person who would’ve done it anyway, responsible. And he was probably a Muslim, wasn’t he?

We shouldn’t have to keep publishing this!

Ambassador offended at being called stupid by idiot

The only man to tell even a shred of truth in the modern political world has resigned.

Sir Kim Darroch, formerly the UK’s Ambassador in Washington, had reported back to the Foreign Office that the Trump White House might never be seen as competent, confirming the views of about seven billion casual observers, but due to this confidential report being leaked, he was forced to resign. 

He called me what?

President is inept claims Ambassador but Trump says he’s never been there!

Donald Trump denies being in Ept

Donald Trump has responded to accusations, contained in an email sent by Britain’s top diplomat, that he is inept.

In a tweet, The President explained that he wasn’t in Ept, furthermore he had never been to Ept, he’d never heard of Ept and it was the last place he would ever ‘fuckin’’ go, he doesn’t even like pyramids. Before adding that this appears to be more Fake News, designed to put him ‘in Dutch’ with his wife.

Fake News, fAKE nEWS screams baby

America asks The Queen to have her back

The Queen

Following a steady decline in the state of the United States, Democrats and Republicans have approached Queen Elizabeth asking her to take America back.

Concerned that America’s become a global laughing stock and appalled at the evermore erratic behaviour of their President, The Yanks want The Queen to run things again. Having watched The Crown on Netflix, Americans feel that Lizzie will bring a bit of decorum, decency and self-respect to the troubled nation. At least Her Majesty won’t be a national embarrassment every time she opens her mouth.

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