Right-thinking members of the NRA are tonight sending their thoughts and prayers to the victims of America’s latest mass shooting(s) at (insert location/s)
Billy Bob Williams, on behalf of the NRA, immediately held a mentally ill person who would’ve done it anyway, responsible. And he was probably(insert specific non-white ethnicity, gender or sexuality), wasn’t he?
Heroic Boris Johnson admits British Soldiers will die in the Middle-East but it’s a sacrifice he’s willing to make. albeit not personally.
“Be under no illusion, I am prepared to do anything Donald Trump wants me to do, be it selling contaminated food, giving him the NHS or allowing young northerners to die horribly, thousands of miles from home. It’s a sacrifice I am willing to make, in order to get a trade deal and because he’s my real daddy.”
Diplomacy between the UK and the USA is being tested early in the New Year following the assassination of Qasem Soleimani.
The UK would ordinarily have expected to have been informed in advance that military action was being taken, but this wasn’t the case. Downing Street is understood to be “disappointed.”
A spokesman for the prime minister told us, “Boris is furious. Had he received the customary tip-off, he and his rich pals would have piled into oil, making a swift profit, selling before the weekend arrived. This has cost a lot of money.”