Tag: Donald Trump

The NRA send thoughts and prayers to victims of America’s latest mass shooting at (The: school/shopping centre/church/hospital/community centre/workplace) in (state/town/city)

Right-thinking members of the NRA are tonight sending their thoughts and prayers to the victims of America’s latest mass shooting(s) at (insert location/s)

Billy Bob Williams, on behalf of the NRA, immediately held a mentally ill person who would’ve done it anyway, responsible. And he was probably a Muslim, wasn’t he? Continue reading “The NRA send thoughts and prayers to victims of America’s latest mass shooting at (The: school/shopping centre/church/hospital/community centre/workplace) in (state/town/city)

BT Broadband Helpline tells Mr Putin to unplug the internet and plug it back in again to see if that fixes it

It’s believed the Russian President, Mr Vladimir Putin, is regretting signing a deliver and supply contract with BT Broadband, for the Internet.

Problems began when the Internet started playing up and stopped showing him; funny videos about cute animals, movies starring big muscly oiled men in tight jeans fixing household appliances or pictures of food and drink. He was also unable to log into his favourite influencer’s account; Sophie from Milton Keynes was doing a special on how to blag luxury hotel rooms by offering free blow jobs. Continue reading “BT Broadband Helpline tells Mr Putin to unplug the internet and plug it back in again to see if that fixes it”

The NRA send thoughts and prayers to victims of America’s latest mass shooting at (The: school/shopping centre/church/hospital/community centre) in (state/town/city)

Right-thinking members of the NRA are tonight sending their thoughts and prayers to the victims of America’s latest mass shooting(s) at (insert location/s)

Billy Bob Williams, on behalf of the NRA, immediately held a mentally ill person who would’ve done it anyway, responsible. And he was probably a Muslim, wasn’t he? Continue reading “The NRA send thoughts and prayers to victims of America’s latest mass shooting at (The: school/shopping centre/church/hospital/community centre) in (state/town/city)

Whitewash Spokesperson, Sarah Sanders, confirms Donald Trump was appointed by God

Appearing on one of the many God channels on American TV, Whitewash Spokesperson, Sandra Sanders revealed that God had ordained Donald as President. After all it was a miracle he got elected in the first place. 

This revelation came as no surprise to his many followers who believe that God had blessed Donald and given him the right to transgress any man made laws in the interests of furthering the Big G’s philosophies.
Continue reading “Whitewash Spokesperson, Sarah Sanders, confirms Donald Trump was appointed by God”

Donald Trump unexpectedly resigns after reading an abusive and critical tweet sent by Gav from Eastbourne

Startling world news today, when Donald Trump unexpectedly announced his immediate resignation, as President of The United States. World leaders were surprised and delighted at this sudden burst of good news. All tried to claim credit and confirmed they knew it was going to happen.

President Trump issued a statement explaining the reason for this sudden decision, “I’d just finished my McDonald’s and was having a quiet ten on the toilet, reading my twitter feed, when I saw a tweet, sent by Gav from Eastbourne. It called me a giant orange balloon and said I was doing a crap job. It then suggested I leave quickly and go and play golf.”

Continue reading “Donald Trump unexpectedly resigns after reading an abusive and critical tweet sent by Gav from Eastbourne”

Donald Trump reveals why he missed the celebration party to mark the end of the big bang-bang thingy

Fake News from France. President Trump missed the ceremony to commemorate the end of the First World War. After receiving much criticism on his beloved twitter, he went to great lengths to justify his reasons.

1. My team promised me showers, and I’d naturally assumed they were golden, which was why I’d agreed to the trip in the first place. I was very disappointed to discover Angela M was not going to be doing that German thing after all. Continue reading “Donald Trump reveals why he missed the celebration party to mark the end of the big bang-bang thingy”

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