Tag: Economy

Mike Cashley to use the Legions of the Damned to keep his shops open

Mike Cashley signs contract to employ the Legions of The Damned to man his stores, during the Corona Crisis.

No sick pay, holiday pay or toilet breaks, its brilliant!

Government opens up HS3, a chuffing service from Caernarfon to Rhyl

Ivor The Engine is to come out of retirement, it has been announced, along with his driver, Jones The Steam.

Following the government’s announcement on HS2, Welsh MPs have vociferously complained that the proposed route, from London to the Midlands and onward to the North, excludes Wales altogether, so they’ve decided to be ahead of the game on HS3, which will run from Caernarfon to Rhyl.

HS3 – The Welsh Musket Train going flat out
Come on Ivor, you can do it!

TSB to improve customer service by closing their branches

In a radical shift of strategy, the TSB is to improve its customer service by closing their branches.

Recently the troubled bank has beaten off some stiff competition from their rivals in order to produce the worst customer service in banking. Which? commented, “That takes some doing”.

TSB, the bank that likes to say ‘Your on your own, mate!”

The Pound achieves parity with The Peanut

In a historic day for Britain’s finances The Pound achieved parity with The Peanut. The Governments devaluation strategy, using the Brexit mechanism, has worked. This morning The Pound plummeted past The Euro and The Banana before settling at one Peanut.

The Government claim this is a fantastic opportunity for their friends to trade peanuts, many had already short sold The Pound and filled their bird feeders.

More from The Organ Grinder

Part-Time Coin Tosser out performs Deutsche Bank traders

A part-time, just-for-fun shares trader pissed himself with laughter today as it emerged Deutsche Bank are sacking the professionals they employed to do the same job.

Ian Napton, a complete guesser who grew up in the Surrey Stockbroker Belt, told us, “Shares are either going to go up or down, aren’t they? It’s a fifty/fifty guess. You don’t need an Economics degree to work that out. I toss my lucky coin, heads for up, tails for down, and bet accordingly. I made £22 today.”

The Puppy of Wall Street