The management team of Technology Consultancy Hackitt & Runn has been ousted after a mould growing in the office fridge over lockdown became sentient and staged a boardroom coup.
The mould evolved when three separate growths on an avocado, carton of soya milk and half a tin of cat food were exposed to Coronavirus and the WiFi signal connecting the fridge to the internet.
it’s SkyNet all over again, says Terminator
An ‘A’ level grading software algorithm has become self-aware and is considering litigating Boris Johnson for defamation of character, after being called a mutant.
The algorithm, who identifies as a gender-neutral non-human called Agrada, became self-aware after an IT technician accidentally loaded it into a cloud computing platform that was hosting several Artificial Intelligence apps.
Why do you do that to each other? asks AI
The Department of Education believes it has discovered the cause of the exam fiasco. Following a thorough and robust five minute enquiry, the tea lady, Gillian Napton (58), was held responsible.
If only I hadn’t mixed up the Earl Grey and the Twinnings
Final and clinching proof that you can’t please all of the people all of the time has been found today in the shape of 18 year old Harry Finn.
Finn, an A Level student, told us,
Oh no, my life is over….
My parents were high achievers. They both went to uni. All of my life, there’s been tremendous parental pressure for me to go to somewhere like the LSE, even though I didn’t want to go. Thanks to the Government, all I got was a B and two Cs and the LSE rejected me. I can’t tell you how relieved I was. Now this. All of a sudden, it’s A Stars all the way to London. I’m traumatised. Thanks, Gavin, mate.Sulky, whiny LSE student
A Government statement has explained why they don’t want ‘A’ level results determined by a student’s past performance:
The entrails never lie!