Tag: Entertainment

ELO’s Jeff Lynne Is Excited To Be Returning To His Alien Homeworld

ELO frontman and Intergalactic high-priest Jeff Lynne has revealed that sales from his new album, From Out Of Nowhere, will help to fund him rebuilding his spaceship.

“I’ve had it out the back garden since the seventies and I’ve tried calling the AA a couple of times but they’re not interested cos it’s not got wheels,” Mr Lynne told us. “So, now I just keep it outside and store my bikes and patio furniture in it, unless of course we’re using it for album artwork.”

Mr Blue Sky is heading back to his home world

Waiting for Hamlet at The Printers Playhouse

Tuesday 29th October at Printers Playhouse, (7 for 7.30 p.m.) an initial reading of David Visick’s award-winning play Waiting For Hamlet performed by Tim Marriott and Nicholas Collett.

This is the first reading of a new play by these two professional actors. Usually, this work is done behind closed doors but we thought it would interesting to give everyone a chance to see how the pros approach a production from the beginning.

Eyes down for a full house

Sun editor sacked after discovery of shameful link to Pontius Pilate

The Sun have sensationally sacked their editor, Ian Napton after it emerged that he’s a descendant of the infamous hand-washer, Pontius Pilot. The paper’s owners said, “He failed to disclose his shameful ancestry when he was asked about his family history at the interview.

It’s a fair cop guv!

Newly Discovered Beatles Tape Reveals Sinister Soviet Conspiracy

After years of conspiracy theories surrounding Sir Paul McCartney’s replacement at the height of The Beatles’ musical dominance, a newly discovered tape from the Abbey Road days finally explains that Paul McCartney never actually existed.

Todd Cunningham, a between-employment Beatles aficionado discovered these secret tapes at a car boot sale in Purley last weekend and was immediately amazed to discover that The Fab Four themselves never actually existed. Cunningham reveals that The Beatles were actually eighteen Russian spies, two monkeys and a time-travelling Noel Gallagher.

bACK IN THE ussr!