Tag: EU

Brexit Referendum, part 2; Are you sure? Are you really, really sure? Absolutely 100%, no take-backs sure that you still want to leave?

Demand grows for a second referendum

Number 10 has conceded that a second referendum may be needed to sort out the dog’s breakfast that is Brexit. Although this is a climb down, sources close to the Prime Minister have let it be known that she is keener on the idea than she is letting on.

Government aide, Ian Napton, said, “When TM became PM, she was confident she could blame the public when it all went wrong but she’s somehow cocked it up and let the public off scott free. It should have been a doddle to say, ‘well look, you voted for this’, but she made a Horlicks of it all and is shouldering the blame. Continue reading “Brexit Referendum, part 2; Are you sure? Are you really, really sure? Absolutely 100%, no take-backs sure that you still want to leave?”

As the Brexapocalypse looms everyone is claiming an Irish passport

Guinness being slowly poured

As the Brexapocalypse looms, applications for an Irish Passport have reached record levels. Wealthy Brits see it as a form of insurance against leaving the EU.

Irish Government spokesman, Rory Napton said, “We’re knocking passports out at £2,000 a pop to anyone who wants one, it’s a great money-spinner.” Continue reading “As the Brexapocalypse looms everyone is claiming an Irish passport”

Southern Fail announce commemerative Brexit fare increase

With Brexit around the corner, Southern Fail have announced commemorative fare increases, effective from 11.50pm on 29 March.

Ian Napton, a company spokesman explained, “It’s all down to Brexit, I’m afraid. The company’s policy was that if we voted to leave the EU, fares would have to rise for the sake of the network’s financial stability in what will be an uncertain period. Whereas if we had voted to remain in the EU, fares would have had to have risen by the same amount due to the amount of Corporation Tax we pay which is then sent to Brussels on the Eurostar. We’re sure that commuters will understand that they voted for this fare increase.”
Continue reading “Southern Fail announce commemerative Brexit fare increase”

Launch of UK’s last remaining production car, The Plonker, doesn’t go well

As the last of the major UK based car makers, announces plans to shift production overseas, one plucky British company, The Trotters, launch their new four door saloon, The Plonker.

Unfortunately, launch day didn’t go as planned, the millennial models they hired were only used to automatics and drove the car straight into the River. Continue reading “Launch of UK’s last remaining production car, The Plonker, doesn’t go well”

Honda smashes Nissan in the race for the Brexit Door

Red-faced executives at the Nissan plant in Sunderland are expecting harsh words from their bosses in Japan tomorrow morning as their counterparts at Honda’s Swindon factory stole a march by announcing the closure of their factory first.

Sunderland, the poster town for Vote Leave, realised it had dropped a clanger roughly twenty seconds after polls closed at the 2016 EU Referendum, and Remainers everywhere have scoffed ever since at people voting to become unemployed. Now Swindon has joined in on the act, also voting Leave and succeeding in closing a major local employer in consequence, but doing it first. Continue reading “Honda smashes Nissan in the race for the Brexit Door”

EU to clarify Theresa’s Withdrawal Agreement by speaking slowly and loudly

Following repeated visits, by Theresa May, to Brussels to try and find some clarification of The Withdrawal Agreement the EU has agreed to try and help.

One EU spokesperson said, “The EU are not going to re-negotiate the agreement. It has been a long torturous process, made all the more difficult by us sticking to all the points we clearly set out as non-negotiable 2 years ago. We are not doing it again. Always Theresa is coming back with, can we change this? can we change that? Well, NO YOU CAN’T.” Continue reading “EU to clarify Theresa’s Withdrawal Agreement by speaking slowly and loudly”

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