The Financial Conduct Authority (FCA) has spoken out against “cheapshot journalism” following accusations that some financial firms have made money during extreme market volatility caused by the Coronavirus outbreak, while ordinary people struggle.
Hedge funds have been accused of raking in billions.
Following Boris Johnson’s announcement that oldthink words would now be banned, shares in correction fluid giant, Tittex, have gone through the roof.
Words that are now DoubleVerboten include; Brexit, Implementation Period, Ireland, No Deal, Partnership, No Irish Border, Money for the NHS, selling the NHS to the Americans, Nissan, spending promises, Scotland, Northern Ireland and Ireland again. Any references to these terms must now be ‘rectified’.
Ian Napton, a Bin Man from Hastings managed to sneak into his local Waitrose, shocking their regular customers.
Waitrose Spokesman, Neil Jackson, said, “We would like to apologise to all of our customers for the presence of an unskilled manual worker in the store. We understand that some shoppers were disturbed by the experience. We would like to reassure our customers that we have increased security and don’t expect a repetition of this distressing behaviour.”