Tag: Finance

Bin man distresses middle-class shoppers by sneaking into Waitrose

Ian Napton, a Bin Man from Hastings managed to sneak into his local Waitrose, shocking their regular customers.

Waitrose Spokesman, Neil Jackson, said, “We would like to apologise to all of our customers for the presence of an unskilled manual worker in the store. We understand that some shoppers were disturbed by the experience. We would like to reassure our customers that we have increased security and don’t expect a repetition of this distressing behaviour.”

Trump scandal
He’s not getting in here!
Continue reading “Bin man distresses middle-class shoppers by sneaking into Waitrose”

Harry and Meghan withdraw from full time Royalling

Palace officials have confirmed that Her Majesty is “disappointed” at The Duke and Duchess of Sussex withdrawing from full-time Royalling.

The announcement of Harry and Meghan’s decision to give up their senior roles in the Firm and to seek their own route to financial independence, whilst splitting their time between the UK and North America, has led the world to speculate on how they might achieve this.

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Johnson upset Trump didn't tell him to buy oil

Diplomacy between the UK and the USA is being tested early in the New Year following the assassination of Qasem Soleimani.

Roy Keane
I’m not mad!

The UK would ordinarily have expected to have been informed in advance that military action was being taken, but this wasn’t the case. Downing Street is understood to be “disappointed.”

A spokesman for the prime minister told us, “Boris is furious. Had he received the customary tip-off, he and his rich pals would have piled into oil, making a swift profit, selling before the weekend arrived. This has cost a lot of money.”

Buy, buy, bYE!

Fat Cats get to work fewer hours for more money

Fat Cat City workers are demanding that they should now only have to work part-time hours.

Traders, Big Wigs and other City types have complained that the long hours they work cause them to have insufficient time to spend all of their money, and they should now be allowed to work from 9.00 till 4.00 only.

Buy! Buy! Sell! Sell! Right, time to trouser the readies