Tag: Financial Services

TSB to improve customer service by closing their branches

In a radical shift of strategy, the TSB is to improve its customer service by closing their branches.

Recently the troubled bank has beaten off some stiff competition from their rivals in order to produce the worst customer service in banking. Which? commented, “That takes some doing”.

TSB, the bank that likes to say ‘Your on your own, mate!”

FCA Forced to clean up their own mess

The regulator tasked with cleaning up the Financial Services industry has been found to have been in need of cleaning its own act up.

The Financial Conduct Authority, frequently compared in terms of usefulness with chocolate teapots, has admitted its staff don’t have the best standards of behaviour around the office.

There was ordure, by the bucket load

Have you been mis-sold a lottery ticket? Were you promised riches beyond compare? Then one legal firm thinks they can get you your money back

At Napton & Co they believe that ‘where there’s blame, there’s a claim’ and as the PPI work dries up they are looking for new ways to earn. Their latest money-generating wheeze is to sue The National Lottery.  

Ian Napton explains, “When people see all the adverts showing ordinary people winning life-changing sums of money, they are led to believe it can happen to them too. Of course, we all know it can’t, but it doesn’t stop people handing over the hard-earned readies every week.”

You pays your money, you takes your chance

Aston Martin shares plummet faster than the car’s value

James Bond’s car maker of choice, Aston Martin, is facing criticism from City types who are no longer able to afford one of their luxury cars.

25% of the company was floated in London in October 2018 at 1900p per share.

Giles Wilkinson-Giles, a City type, told us, “I was in their Mayfair dealership collecting my DB11 last year and I thought, why not? I’ll buy some shares, too. Unfortunately, the shares have fallen in value faster than the actual car.”

Chin Chin!

Pound now the world’s worst performing major currency

Economists are wailing as the Pound continues to plummet against every other currency in the world. 

Ian Napton, a currency trader, told us, “I don’t even need my lucky coin toss for this one. I just bet on the Pound going down and collect my winnings at the end of the day.”

The Pound is now officially the worst performing major currency in the world over the past 24 hours, over the past month, over the past three months and over the past year, an achievement Michel Barnier couldn’t have conjured up in his wettest of dreams.

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