Tempted by riches beyond compare and the glory of finding the next big thing in over-priced, pretentious gastronomy; fast-food vendors, pop-up restauranters and panhandlers have been making their way to the Scottish Highlands in search of the fabled Golden McNuggett.Aye, it’s every bit as delicious as they say. You’ll have another slice of square sausage, will ye not?
Veganists, those mastered in the art of general misery, have again been outraged this week. This time their ire is centred against the Dalhousie University in Canada, who produced a report claiming that eating red and processed meat turns out not be as bad for you as was widely reported. One Vegetablist moaned “It’s an utter disgrace, irresponsible and quite frankly shit!’ He drivelled.Nom, Nom,Nom…Pass the salt!
With the arrival of the Illiteratti from Surrey, North London and the Home Counties, Edinburgh City Council have decreed that for the month of August, all chip shops in the city will be vegetarian.Frying tonight
Fake Balsamic Vinegar has entered the food supply chain resulting in middle class foodies becoming traumatised at the thought of having used unbranded vinegar.
Up market retailers were quick to reassure customers that they were doing everything they could to make sure the issue was resolved as quickly as possible.
Waitrose spokesman, Ian Napton, explained, “Initially we were shocked. We can’t have customers thinking we buy any old rubbish, stick a fancy label on it and then charge a huge mark up, just because we’re ‘upmarket’.” Continue reading “Fake Balsamic Vinegar; middle-class shoppers offered counselling”
Cornish Pasty stocks are dangerously low. Emergency planning is underway, as it emerges that the country’s supply of proper pasties is in peril, as a result of Brexit.
Speaking in Padstow, Ian Napton from the Steak and Tiddy bakery said, “It’s a joke. Fatty Cameron came down here for his holidays banging on about a referendum on leaving the EU. As a result of his efforts, we supported him. Now there’s going to be a hard border between Cornwall and England. We won’t be able to get pasties out of Cornwall, without sampling at customs. Have you seen a Customs Officer eat? There’ll be nothing left. Nobody will have Cornish Pasties to sell, dreckly.” Continue reading “Cornish Pasty shortage likely after Brexit”