Tag: Food

Fake Balsamic Vinegar; middle-class shoppers offered counselling

Fake Balsamic Vinegar on Bruschetta

Fake Balsamic Vinegar has entered the food supply chain resulting in middle class foodies becoming traumatised at the thought of having used unbranded vinegar.

Up market retailers were quick to reassure customers that they were doing everything they could to make sure the issue was resolved as quickly as possible.

Waitrose spokesman, Ian Napton, explained, “Initially we were shocked. We can’t have customers thinking we buy any old rubbish, stick a fancy label on it and then charge a huge mark up, just because we’re ‘upmarket’.” Continue reading “Fake Balsamic Vinegar; middle-class shoppers offered counselling”

Cornish Pasty shortage likely after Brexit

Cornish Pasty shortages

Cornish Pasty stocks are dangerously low. Emergency planning is underway, as it emerges that the country’s supply of proper pasties is in peril, as a result of Brexit.

Speaking in Padstow, Ian Napton from the Steak and Tiddy bakery said, “It’s a joke. Fatty Cameron came down here for his holidays banging on about a referendum on leaving the EU. As a result of his efforts, we supported him. Now there’s going to be a hard border between Cornwall and England. We won’t be able to get pasties out of Cornwall, without sampling at customs. Have you seen a Customs Officer eat? There’ll be nothing left. Nobody will have  Cornish Pasties to sell, dreckly.” Continue reading “Cornish Pasty shortage likely after Brexit”

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