Tag: Football

Derby County – A Moral Example to Us All

Derby County Football Club have emerged today as a bastion, perhaps the last, of decency and honour in the murky, cash-guzzling world of professional football.

The club took a brave, some would say heroic, stance against their own club captain, 33-year-old Richard Keogh, after he sustained career-threatening, long-term injuries in a car accident, having gotten absolutely wankered at a booze-heavy team-building event last month.

Bringing shame on Richard’s everywhere!

Oxford University’s no clapping policy to be extended to Old Trafford

Old Trafford, home of Manchester United, has decided to follow the lead of Oxford University by banning clapping from their ground.

The academics have decided the noise generated by everyone clapping creates an intimidating atmosphere, which means those of lesser ability, talent or just lacking pride, passion and backbone feel undermined and less able to reach their full potential. 

We would clap but we’ve not seen anything worth applauding!

West Brom to be reinstated into the Premier League following VAR Review

West Bromwich Albion are set to be reinstated to the Barclays Premier League after the successful conclusion of a VAR review into the 2017-2018 season.

Elsewhere, all of Burnley’s goals have been disallowed, while Harry Kane has lost the golden boot to Jamal Lascelles, who’s tally of 4 legitimate goals was enough to see off all comers. The biggest surprise came for Pep Guardiola’s Manchester City, who have plummetted down in the final standings to mid-table obscurity after 87 of their goals were chalked off.

Should have gone to specsavers!

Boris says ‘it’s a good day to bury bad news under Bury’

Fans of Bury Football Club are livid today after Prime Minister Boris Johnson took away their momentary “top of the headlines” position on the BBC News website. 

The club does not ordinarily make the headlines, even in Bury, but the sad business of a football club going into liquidation has captured the public’s hearts. 

RIP The Shakers

Football’s Ian Holloway looks Forward to Post-Brexit Utopia

An interesting appearance from the mystifyingly unemployed soccer supremo, Ian Holloway, on Sky Sports’ flagship nonsense shouting enterprise ‘the Debate’ (which as much follows the rules of a normal debate as two pissed up Doncaster Rovers fans screaming insults at each other in the door to a pub on Saturday night) shed new light on the rumbling Brexit fiasco after Holloway gave the EU credit for making a right mess of the handball rules in football.

Football’s for the English!