Tag: Football

Football’s Ian Holloway looks Forward to Post-Brexit Utopia

Handball

An interesting appearance from the mystifyingly unemployed soccer supremo, Ian Holloway, on Sky Sports’ flagship nonsense shouting enterprise ‘the Debate’ (which as much follows the rules of a normal debate as two pissed up Doncaster Rovers fans screaming insults at each other in the door to a pub on Saturday night) shed new light on the rumbling Brexit fiasco after Holloway gave the EU credit for making a right mess of the handball rules in football.

Football’s for the English!

Steve Bruce the only bloke Mike Ashley could get to do the job

The big managerial news this week was the arrival of former Sheffield Wednesday boss Stevie Bruce at Newcastle, though his appointment was not without controversy as the tabloids broke the news that Stevie was not actually Mike ‘Power Drinker’ Ashley’s first choice for the job.

Of course” said Mike, as he vomited in a fire place and ordered another half pound of pork scratchings down his local boozer, “We went through a few names. I met a bloke in here called Rodney the other day, reckoned he might be able to do us a job, but he’s banged up for parole violation so it looks like one we’ll have to revisit later.”

Your Round!

Armitage Shanks signs for Manchester United

Man Utd fans around the globe were thrilled this week to learn of the club’s latest acquisition, announced with a glitzy social media post, as the club revealed a stunning coup as they made Armitage Shanks their official urinal partner for 2019-20.

Fanzine writer, Fergus McGiggs, gave his thoughts, “This is wonderful news. For years the club has laboured along with sub-par bathroom supply partners, this signing announces our return to football’s top table. Our fans can’t wait to get into Old Trafford to try out the new facilities.”

More piss taking here!

Everyone deserves a fourth chance says Mo Salah

What did I do?

Man of the people and friend to all women, Mohammed Salah, has this weekend enhanced his reputation as a staunch feminist with his powerful and moving defence of Egyptian team-mate Warda who was sent home from the African Cup of Nations for sexually harrassing women online.

Salah, who has often been viewed as progressive on the issue of women’s rights, used Twitter to leap to his comrades’ defence, saying “We need to believe in second chances… we need to guide and educate. Shunning is not the answer.”

Redemption
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