Tag: Government

Once again A Level results are the best ever

For the fortieth year running, education chiefs have announced that A Level and GCSE exam pass rates have increased yet again.

The A Level pass rate is now up to 94.5689% and the GCSE pass rate sits at 92.456128%.

The annual increase in exam pass rates has become a cause for some controversy as older people fail to understand that every year the intelligence of pupils and ability of teachers increases. Continue reading “Once again A Level results are the best ever”

Gove declares practice power cut drill a success

Michael Gove’s No Deal preparations received a shot in the arm today when a practice power cut succeeded right across the country.

Railway stations, roads and other essential public services were plunged into sudden chaos when the switch was flicked. “It’s important that we run these drills,” a spokesman for the Minister said. “The Cabinet has agreed to a series of practice emergency situations so that the public are accustomed to things not quite going to plan.”

Brexit COntinues

Gove surprised the EU says Au Revoir mon ami

Michael Gove, the Minister responsible for Brexit No Deal planning, has expressed surprise that the EU27 don’t feel they should give in to British demands and serve up a withdrawal agreement which entirely suits Britain without regard for anybody else.

There might be 27 of them, but do they know who we are? Do they realise who they are dealing with here? We’re plucky Brits. We won the War, you know. We’ve got Boris in Downing Street now and fully 0.14% of the population voted to put him there.”

Ciao, Arrivederci, Adios and Goodbye

None of The Above

We don’t normally write Opinion columns, that is not our thing. However, one of our writers was a little irritated at the antics of the political monkeys. He submitted this piece. We sent it back, explaining it was Op Ed rather than satire. He pointed out that Jeremy Clarkson, James May and The Hamster were allowed one serious piece a year. We relented.

We would like to reinforce Colin’s comment that at Chatty we are politically unaffiliated. Whilst many stories are anti-government, that is because they are the government and in a position of power. We welcome submissions from across the political spectrum, (except Tommy Robinson, he can f**k off)

Colin’s Piece
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