The government has declared that tomorrow’s, as yet unpublished Brexit Report, is out of date.
The report, signed off by senior civil servants, makes it clear that a No Deal Brexit will be damaging to the UK economy and put lives at risk. Experts from all sides agreed the report was accurate ‘as far as it goes’ but that the reality will be much worse.
Nothing to see here, move along now!
For the fortieth year running, education chiefs have announced that A Level and GCSE exam pass rates have increased yet again.
The A Level pass rate is now up to 94.5689% and the GCSE pass rate sits at 92.456128%.
The annual increase in exam pass rates has become a cause for some controversy as older people fail to understand that every year the intelligence of pupils and ability of teachers increases. Continue reading “Once again A Level results are the best ever”
Michael Gove’s No Deal preparations received a shot in the arm today when a practice power cut succeeded right across the country.
Railway stations, roads and other essential public services were plunged into sudden chaos when the switch was flicked. “It’s important that we run these drills,” a spokesman for the Minister said. “The Cabinet has agreed to a series of practice emergency situations so that the public are accustomed to things not quite going to plan.”
Michael Gove, the Minister responsible for Brexit No Deal
planning, has expressed surprise that the EU27 don’t feel they should give in
to British demands and serve up a withdrawal agreement which entirely suits
Britain without regard for anybody else.
“There might be 27 of them, but do they know who we are? Do they realise who they are dealing with here? We’re plucky Brits. We won the War, you know. We’ve got Boris in Downing Street now and fully 0.14% of the population voted to put him there.”
Ciao, Arrivederci, Adios and Goodbye
A record number of call outs to the London Fire Brigade, has sparked an urgent investigation.
After an epic volume of incidents, where victims became trapped in their wardrobes, ‘heat stroke and confusion’, were thought to be the prime suspects.
On closer inspection however, it became evident that the casualties were in fact, ‘attempting to escape to Narnia.’
Come on in!
We don’t normally write Opinion columns, that is not our thing. However, one of our writers was a little irritated at the antics of the political monkeys. He submitted this piece. We sent it back, explaining it was Op Ed rather than satire. He pointed out that Jeremy Clarkson, James May and The Hamster were allowed one serious piece a year. We relented.
We would like to reinforce Colin’s comment that at Chatty we are politically unaffiliated. Whilst many stories are anti-government, that is because they are the government and in a position of power. We welcome submissions from across the political spectrum, (except Tommy Robinson, he can f**k off)