Tag: Health

Doctor confirms patient doesn’t have dementia, he’s just thick

Ian Napton (57) visited his Doctor after friends, family and work colleagues became worried about his declining mental health. Concerns were raised after he announced he had voted for Brexit, which surprised many, including his French wife Gillian.

They decided to keep a close eye on him and soon started noticing small but significant changes in Ian’s behaviour. He seemed unable to follow simple instructions, operate the hoover, make a cup of tea, or remember it was his round. He was confused by simple TV programmes such as Colombo, Strictly and Britain’s Got Talent.

wHAT’S GOING ON?

“Headlice have rights too” claims Highgate based eco-warrior

Pest control experts have been drafted into a Highgate primary school, following reports of a ‘virulent head lice infestation.’

Parents were forced to take these unusual measures after one couple ‘refused to massacre the innocent creatures’, who had ‘developed a proficient ecosystem’ on their daughter’s head.

Every living thing is sacred!

Tourist Catches Forgotten Disease After Messing Around In A London Phone Box

An American tourist has contracted a rare disease after posing for a photo in a London telephone box.

Geoff Peters of Scottsdale was rushed to St Thomas Hospital last Friday evening after foolishly taking a photo inside one of London’s disgusting red telephone boxes. It is believed that he has contracted a strain of the McNamara virus, an autoimmune disease thought to be extinct since the 1980s. It would also appear that this would be the first time the phone box has been used since then and the virus had been safely contained within before Mr Peters decided to take a clichéd photo for his family WhatsApp.

French lessons?

Just Do It…..tomorrow….or whenever

This week, Chatty is going to be taking a look at procrastination. Not today, obviously. Probably later in the week, or maybe next week. Yes, next week sounds better.

We recognise the cost suffered by chimps, people, businesses and the economy as a whole as a result of unnecessary delays, and we’re pleased to announce that we’re going to be hosting a conference on the subject in 2021.

Read this later! Whenever!

Trout pout woman wrongly treated for anaphylactic shock

An investigation is underway, following an incident of mistaken diagnosis, when a woman was incorrectly treated for a severe allergic reaction.

After undergoing cosmetic surgery on her lips, Gillian Napton found herself being unwittingly bundled into the back of an ambulance, while a potentially life saving injection was administered. Continue reading “Trout pout woman wrongly treated for anaphylactic shock”