Tag: Health

Three of the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse are in quarantine

Progress towards Armageddon is on hold according to a press statement issued by the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse. The statement says that the Horsemen are locked down and can’t foresee a normal business being resumed until the COVID-19 pandemic is over.

Normal Service will be resumed when the current threat is over

Lockdown reintroduced to prevent the return of doorstep clapping

Boris Johnson is reintroducing lockdown as the threat of a return to doorstep clapping increases.

Unless we abide by social distancing rules, we will find ourselves back on the doorstep, clapping for nurses and key workers. No one wants to go through that again, not with winter approaching.

Boris Johnson, noted clapper
That clapping really got out of hand

Hancock appoints proven failure, Dido Harding, to take the blame

Matt Hancock, Health Secretary, has appointed Dido Harding to run the reformed Public Health England. It’s now known as National Institue for Health Protection (NIHP).

Having made PHE the scapegoat for Corona Virus cock-ups, Matt Hancock decided to close down the organisation, sack some low-level employees and rehire the management on double the salary.

If only it was made up