Ian Napton (57) visited his Doctor after friends, family and work colleagues became worried about his declining mental health. Concerns were raised after he announced he had voted for Brexit, which surprised many, including his French wife Gillian.
They decided to keep a close eye on him and soon started noticing small but significant changes in Ian’s behaviour. He seemed unable to follow simple instructions, operate the hoover, make a cup of tea, or remember it was his round. He was confused by simple TV programmes such as Colombo, Strictly and Britain’s Got Talent.
wHAT’S GOING ON?
Pest control experts have been drafted into a Highgate primary school, following reports of a ‘virulent head lice infestation.’
Parents were forced to take these unusual measures after one couple ‘refused to massacre the innocent creatures’, who had ‘developed a proficient ecosystem’ on their daughter’s head.
Every living thing is sacred!
An American tourist has contracted a rare disease after posing for a
photo in a London telephone box.
Geoff Peters of Scottsdale was rushed to St Thomas Hospital last Friday
evening after foolishly taking a photo inside one of London’s disgusting red
telephone boxes. It is believed that he has contracted a strain of the McNamara
virus, an autoimmune disease thought to be extinct since the 1980s. It would
also appear that this would be the first time the phone box has been used since
then and the virus had been safely contained within before Mr Peters decided to
take a clichéd photo for his family WhatsApp.
This week, Chatty is going to be taking a look at procrastination. Not today, obviously. Probably later in the week, or maybe next week. Yes, next week sounds better.
We recognise the cost suffered by chimps, people, businesses and the economy as a whole as a result of unnecessary delays, and we’re pleased to announce that we’re going to be hosting a conference on the subject in 2021.
Read this later! Whenever!
An investigation is underway, following an incident of mistaken diagnosis, when a woman was incorrectly treated for a severe allergic reaction.
After undergoing cosmetic surgery on her lips, Gillian Napton found herself being unwittingly bundled into the back of an ambulance, while a potentially life saving injection was administered. Continue reading “Trout pout woman wrongly treated for anaphylactic shock”