Tag: House of Commons

As Tory leadership candidates are revealed the country cries “Please stay, Theresa!”

Bye Theresa, don't let the door hit you on the way out

The 67.3 million people who are not members of the Conservative Party have announced that  “it’s OK, Theresa can continue as Prime Minister, after all.”

The Tory Beauty Parade has turned out to be quite ugly, hasn’t it?” said Ian Napton, a commuter at Waterloo Station. “When the choice boils down to a bunch of drug users and c****, and all of them make you want to punch them in the face really hard, you suddenly start to see a positive side to Theresa May, don’t you?” Continue reading “As Tory leadership candidates are revealed the country cries “Please stay, Theresa!””

Britain’s national psychosis manifests as Mark Francois

Mark Francois Homunculus

The enormous cloud of anger, ignorance and intransigence emitted by the people of Britain has taken human form and called itself Mark Francois.

No record can be found of the creature’s existence before the country’s Brexit mania peaked at the beginning of this year, leading experts to believe the homunculus has been conjured up by mass psychosis. Continue reading “Britain’s national psychosis manifests as Mark Francois”

Pro Brexit ‘Go Slow’ protest on the M62 backfires as journey times speed up

Pro Brexit Traffic Jam

A Pro Brexit public protest has received massive, and unexpected support, from millions of people in the North West. 

Brexiteers arranged a ‘Go Slow’ on the M62. The idea is that they would form up into lines, across the carriage way and drive along at a steady forty miles an hour, thereby holding up all the traffic. This was supposed to send a signal to Parliament that ‘The People’ would not tolerate a delay to Brexit.  Continue reading “Pro Brexit ‘Go Slow’ protest on the M62 backfires as journey times speed up”

Francis Underwood called in to help Theresa May get her deal through

Francis Underwood

As John Bercow stops Theresa May from bringing her EU Withdrawal Bill back to the House of Commons, drastic action was called for. Step forward super schemer, Francis Underwood.

The Speaker ruled that the bill was not ‘sufficiently different’ from the previous two versions The House had already voted on. Consequently, Parliamentary Rules stop it from coming back to The House, again.
Continue reading “Francis Underwood called in to help Theresa May get her deal through”

PTBD – Psychologists confirm Post Traumatic Brexit Disorder, is a thing

PTBD -Man shouting

Psychologists, working at the School of Life, have confirmed the existence of PTBD, Post Traumatic Brexit Disorder.

Unheard of before 2016, the condition is now thought to be seriously affecting the mental well being of some 60 million people. Psychologists are asking for urgent steps to be taken in order to reduce the mental trauma currently ruining the lives of millions. Although, ironically, they don’t know what those steps are.

Continue reading “PTBD – Psychologists confirm Post Traumatic Brexit Disorder, is a thing”

As it’s revealed that Cops don’t catch criminals the PM closes down the Police Force and spends the money on your NHS

jog off Bobby

Following confirmation that police don’t catch criminals, Theresa May announced the immediate abolition of the British Police Force.

In a surprise move, Mrs May confirmed that the police force costs the British tax payer over £12bn every year to run. The loss of the Police Force would free up vast sums of money to be spent on other, more important services, like health. Continue reading “As it’s revealed that Cops don’t catch criminals the PM closes down the Police Force and spends the money on your NHS”

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