Tag: House of Commons

MP Suspended over sexual misconduct but it wasn’t Boris Johnson

Surprise across Westminster after an MP was suspended, pending an enquiry into allegations of sexual misconduct.

Whilst Parliament had been rife with rumours as to the identity of the MP in question, heavy money had been bet on it being Boris Johnson. Much to the tousle-haired rogue’s relief, it turned out to be someone else.

What do you mean it wasn’t Boris?

Parliament’s Saturday session contravenes the EU Working Time Directive

Parliament’s Saturday Session has been cancelled as it contravenes the EU Working Time Directive.

Boris Johnson’ Saturday session of the House of Commons has been cancelled. Consequently, The Speaker confirmed that the proposed session would put MPs in breach of the EU Working Time Directive, so couldn’t go ahead.

Work? On a Saturday? Are you mad?

Boris Johnson offers Geoffrey Cox use of his personal apology template

Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening, I deeply regret that it’s necessary for me to make a public apology after getting caught again.

Regretfully, I have to announce that someone has discovered I’ve been a very naughty boy.

On this occasion I’d like to offer a full, an insincere apology, to The Queen/ my wife/my constituents/ the British People/The House of Commoners/ The Standards Committee/my wife again/my employer/my friends/my friends’ spouses/the wife’s friends husbands and finally my wife.

Phew! That was close!

Former NASA Astronaut Boris Johnson Claims He’s Not A Liar

UK Prime Minister Boris Johnson has been accused of lying yet again. The thirty-two year old was overheard last night at the Chancellor’s Ball claiming “Of course I lift, bro – do you?

Following his successful defeat of the Nazis during WWII and that time when he prevented the heat-death of the known universe, Mr Johnson has his sights set on overcoming another dangerous and power-hungry obstacle – himself.

It means whatever I say it means

Bercow set for a career in showbiz

John Bercow has revealed his plans for the future following his shock announcement he’s giving up playing Devil’s Advocate for a living.

Former Speaker of the House of Commons Mr Bercow, (604), has been offered his own primetime gameshow on ITV2 where he’ll pit Z-List politicians against Z-List celebrities, interrupt them and award points to the ones who get the least pissed.

Order! Order!