Tag: House of Commons

Mark Francois to stand in for Boris Johnson

Following Boris Johnson’s positive test, Mark Francois is to be the next Prime Minister

Downing Street sources quickly identified the touchy-feely Boris Johnson as the super-spreader. Consequently, everyone he has had contact with has been isolated, including all cabinet ministers. Now, the search for a new leader is on.  

I always new my time would come, I’m ready to serve my country, where is my potato-peeler?

All Hail Ming The Merciless, Emperor

Sajid Javid, the outgoing Chancellor of the Exchequer, has been thrown under the Boris Bus.

In an audacious move by Dominic Cummings, all advisers at the Treasury are to be sacked and all official advice to the Prime Minister will come from a new “joint” team of advisers in Downing Street, provided that they agree with Mr Cummings. If they don’t, well, they can always feel the tread of the tyres as it rolls over them.

The Evil Puppet Master
Cumming The Merciless, ruler of country

MP Suspended over sexual misconduct but it wasn’t Boris Johnson

Surprise across Westminster after an MP was suspended, pending an enquiry into allegations of sexual misconduct.

Whilst Parliament had been rife with rumours as to the identity of the MP in question, heavy money had been bet on it being Boris Johnson. Much to the tousle-haired rogue’s relief, it turned out to be someone else.

What do you mean it wasn’t Boris?