Tag: Ireland

Boris unveils plans to rub out the word ‘Backstop’ from the Withdrawal Act

Today, at the Tory Party Conference, Boris Johnson unveiled his big Brexit busting plan.

In short, Boris has pledged to get a big rubber and erase the word ‘Backstop’ from Theresa May’s Withdrawl Agreement. Everything else stays the same.

Today, in ‘not a Scooby’ news, this!

Ryan Air pilots plan to ruin summer by flying planes as scheduled

Ryan Air Pilots have pledged to ruin summer for millions of travellers as part of their ongoing industrial dispute with management. The Pilots plan to run a full service, on time and with as little disruption as possible.

A distraught father of four, Ian Napton, “This is a disaster. I booked tickets with Ryan Air because I thought the flight would end up being cancelled. I haven’t even booked a hotel in Alicante, there didn’t seem any point.”

Were all going on a summer holiday!

The Establishment is appalled to discover Ireland is not a British County

Several members of The Cabinet, some MP’s and all of the national press were appalled to discover that Ireland was not a British County. The revelation that Ireland is a country in its own right has caused consternation in the corridors of power.

Ian Napton, Secretary for Anglo-Irish affairs explained, “This has come as a real shock. I’ve worked in Anglo-Irish affairs for the last ten years and I didn’t know. It was only when we were looking through some old papers, as part of the Brexit Backstop Plan, that we found out Ireland became fully independent from Britain in 1937. Did you know that we had a war with the Irish over their independence? We didn’t, it was a shock I can tell you.” Continue reading “The Establishment is appalled to discover Ireland is not a British County”

As the Brexapocalypse looms everyone is claiming an Irish passport

As the Brexapocalypse looms, applications for an Irish Passport have reached record levels. Wealthy Brits see it as a form of insurance against leaving the EU.

Irish Government spokesman, Rory Napton said, “We’re knocking passports out at £2,000 a pop to anyone who wants one, it’s a great money-spinner.” Continue reading “As the Brexapocalypse looms everyone is claiming an Irish passport”

Tart with a Cart, Molly Malone, accuses Trump of cancelling his trip to Ireland to avoid taking responsibility for their illegitimate son, Ed Sheeran

White House spokesperson, Sarah Wannabe-Elsewhere, announced the cancellation of Donald Trump’s State Visit to Ireland. The reason for the cancellation was not clear, leading to speculation it was to avoid further embarrassment to America by their President. Continue reading “Tart with a Cart, Molly Malone, accuses Trump of cancelling his trip to Ireland to avoid taking responsibility for their illegitimate son, Ed Sheeran”