Tag: Jacob Rees-Mogg

Sorry about Brexit, says Charles Darwin

Charles Darwin has interrupted his 136-year death to correct a fundamental error in his seminal “On the Origin of Species”.

While many of Darwin’s assertions remain unquestionably true, such as religion being utterly batshit and pigeons being dinosaurs in disguise, the bearded Victorian revenant apologised for underestimating humanity’s ability to produce Brexit. Continue reading “Sorry about Brexit, says Charles Darwin”

Emergency Response Nannies called into Parliament to sort out the naughty little children

Angry scenes in parliament including backstabbing, intimidation and verbal abuse, resulted in Mary Poppins and Nanny McPhee making emergency appearances to restore law and order.

Poppins was aghast, when M.Ps insisted it was just another day at the office. She reported: ‘‘Nobody here is practically perfect in everyway. In fact, Michael Gove measured in as ‘deeply suspicious, with a hint of authoritarian.’’ Continue reading “Emergency Response Nannies called into Parliament to sort out the naughty little children”

The Devil adds an eternal, unresolvable, Brexit to the punishments of Hell

Satan, host to The Damned and deliverer of The Eternal Punishments has come up with a new, and terrifying, circle of Hell, The Brexitarium.

Hades spokesman, Ian Napton, explained, “Satan has spent the last couple of years watching the British people slowly, and irretrievably, sinking further and further into despair as the endless Brexit debate has gone on. He feels that an eternity of listening to an unresolvable Brexit, would be a fitting torture for the souls of the damned.” Continue reading “The Devil adds an eternal, unresolvable, Brexit to the punishments of Hell”

Jacob Rees-Mogg welcomes the return of the Frost Fair

Once again The Daily Express warns of the impending Snowmageddon, with an annual dip in temperatures and the sudden arrival of wintry conditions.

One notable, Jacob Rees-Mogg, has welcomed the news. “Winter brings with it not just snow, ice and chaos, but also opportunity. The chance to revive the age old  Frost Fair, on the Thames, once such a feature of my childhood, I regret my progeny have been unable to partake in such festivities.” Continue reading “Jacob Rees-Mogg welcomes the return of the Frost Fair”

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