Tag: Jacob Rees-Mogg

Tory leadership challenge to use cage fighting to determine the Ultimate FC

Ina  radical re-modernisation the upcoming Tory Leadership Contest is to be decided by cage fighting with the winner becoming the ‘Ultimate Fu**ing C**t’.

Standard UFC Rules apply; no hair-pulling, scratching, name calling, although back-stabbing is mandatory. The winner is the last FC standing. Continue reading “Tory leadership challenge to use cage fighting to determine the Ultimate FC”

Sorry about Brexit, says Charles Darwin

Charles Darwin has interrupted his 136-year death to correct a fundamental error in his seminal “On the Origin of Species”.

While many of Darwin’s assertions remain unquestionably true, such as religion being utterly batshit and pigeons being dinosaurs in disguise, the bearded Victorian revenant apologised for underestimating humanity’s ability to produce Brexit. Continue reading “Sorry about Brexit, says Charles Darwin”

Wigan Zoo set to display a rare Jacob Rees-Mogg

Curators at Wigan Zoo, one of the finest animal sanctuaries in Britain, have announced their latest prize exhibit, a Jacob Rees-Mogg (Poshtwaticus Poshtwaticus).

The Zoo had heard rumours of the existence of the mythical “Super Posh Tory”, but they never thought a live display would be possible. Their plans received a boost when they got Lottery Funding, to allow them to prepare a small castle, the Bertie Wooster Wing, in which to house the exhibit. Continue reading “Wigan Zoo set to display a rare Jacob Rees-Mogg”

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