“Nigel, sorry, I must interrupt your incessant droning on here in the studio as Jeremy Corbyn is about to speak.”
“I have telephoned Mr Johnson in the last half-hour and congratulated him on becoming the prime minister. However, despite falling short by 159 seats, this is a far, far greater victory for the Labour Party.
Although we have failed to win it’s still a stunning victory for the Labour Party
“And on this week’s Celebrity Countdown, we have Jeremy from North London. Playing him is Boris from Somerset. Welcome gents, and Boris, get us underway with your choice of letters, please.”
Jeremy, I know he is but You can’t use that four letter word I’m afraid
A YouGov poll for the Chatty Chimp conducted with two thousand voters in the hours after Friday night’s live Leaders Debate on the BBC has concluded that all four candidates lost.
None of The Above, no, definitely not
If Labour wins the next election, Jeremy Corbyn has promised an increase in national happiness by giving a free puppy or kitten to every household in Britain.
In what is being hailed as a revolutionary new policy, Mr Corbyn aims to make Britain forget about its troubles and woes through the use of cute furry animals. Within 3 months of winning, every household will receive their new pet. Acceptance is mandatory.
Now Mr Tibbles, stop that!
Fat Cat City workers are demanding that they should now only have to work part-time hours.
Traders, Big Wigs and other City types have complained that the long hours they work cause them to have insufficient time to spend all of their money, and they should now be allowed to work from 9.00 till 4.00 only.
Buy! Buy! Sell! Sell! Right, time to trouser the readies