Yesterday Jeremy Corbyn issued a letter formally announcing his candidacy for the position of Tory Party Leader.
Sadly, Bozo Johnson has suddenly died. Details are sketchy but it appears he suffered an unfortunate accident with a mashie-niblick, after his best friend unexpectedly returned from golf. The lady of the house was unharmed.
Due to become Prime Minister, the untimely death of the noted scamp, womaniser and disingenuous motherfucker has deprived the country of one of the best leaders we never had.
Jeremy Corbyn has confirmed that the Labour Party will campaign to Remain in the EU under a second referendum, which is not happening, unless Britain supports a decision to leave.
In the clearest statement yet from the Labour supremo, it was announced that Labour might support Brexit, or it might not, and it definitely wouldn’t support no deal or a damaging Tory Brexit unless the Unions said it was okay to do so, which they haven’t so far.
The 67.3 million people who are not members of the Conservative Party have announced that “it’s OK, Theresa can continue as Prime Minister, after all.”
“The Tory Beauty Parade has turned out to be quite ugly, hasn’t it?” said Ian Napton, a commuter at Waterloo Station. “When the choice boils down to a bunch of drug users and c****, and all of them make you want to punch them in the face really hard, you suddenly start to see a positive side to Theresa May, don’t you?”