Tag: Labour

Jeremy Corbyn promises free kittens and puppies for everyone

If Labour wins the next election, Jeremy Corbyn has promised an increase in national happiness by giving a free puppy or kitten to every household in Britain.

In what is being hailed as a revolutionary new policy, Mr Corbyn aims to make Britain forget about its troubles and woes through the use of cute furry animals. Within 3 months of winning, every household will receive their new pet. Acceptance is mandatory.

Now Mr Tibbles, stop that!

Boris sends his favourite bath-sponge to help the people of South Yorkshire

Boris Johnson has sent his favourite bath-sponge to help the people of South Yorkshire deal with their damp problem. Accused by his political opponents of doing more to help flood victims in Bangladesh than helping the people of South Yorkshire, immediate action was required.

Following today’s Cobra meeting the cabinet debated which Government Emergency Response would play best with Tory Voters. As Jacob Rees-Mogg said “Well as far as I can see it was entirely their own fault for living in Northern Labour constituencies. Some people are too stupid for their own good, if they had used their common-sense they would have left in their boats. If they can’t even help themselves, what’s the point of us trying to help? There’s no upside to throwing way money.”

Rain Rain go away, come again another day

Sky News Office Chair To Run In General Election

After appearing on Sky News this week, huge public support has inspired a local office chair to run for the General Election.

Alan Whickham-Smythe, the IKEA office chair and employee of Sky News, has announced that it will be running for the Independent “Oh sit down, Oh sit down, Sit down next to me” Party in the election following its starring role on the news when prominent Tory MP James Cleverly failed to sit on it. Instead, Whickham-Smythe has vowed to provide support for the country in any way possible with its two-armed swivel approach to politics.

Clearer than the Lib Dems, less offensive than The Tories and not Jeremy Corbyn. Vote Chair!

Corbyn released as no evidence he’s trying to bring down government

Jeremy Corbyn was arrested under The Terrorism Act. He has since been released as there is insufficient evidence that he is trying to bring down the Government.

After having been outed by The Daily Mail as a terrorist many years ago, Jeremy Corbyn has been on the official watchlist as a ‘significant’ threat to an effective Tory Government. However, the risks may have been exaggerated.

What do we want? We dont’t know, When do we want it? Never