Tag: law

James Bond has his licence to kill revoked

Following a landmark court case, James Bond will have to change the way in which he infiltrates ‘The Baddies’.

The Court’s concern was that under the current rules, Mr Bond could murder, torture and sleep with as many women as he wanted.  There was no legal definition of reasonable behaviour.

The names Bond, James Bond

Have you been mis-sold a Brexit? You may have a claim!

Have you spent countless hours in pointless Brexit debates? Did your friends and relatives desert you? How come you managed to enrage complete strangers with, or without provocation? Were you injured or distressed as a result of arguing about something you only had half the facts for? Admit it, you typed messages in BLOCK CAPITALS, didn’t you?

Are your friends as sick of Brexit as you are? Did you vote Brexit and not really expect anything to change? Or, Did you vote remain and spend the last three years toting about an over-inflated sense of educational and moral superiority?

Where there is blame there is a claim!

Veteran Supreme Court Judge Rules Boris Johnson Is “A Bit Of A Pr*ck”

Speaking to The Sun “newspaper”, Lady Glenda Shale, veteran Supreme Court judge and amateur spider enthusiast was quoted as stating, “a filthy, biased, and extremely accurate tirade” about Prime Minister Boris Johnson.

During her address during the busy trial, Lady Shale became “lost” in her fisherman’s style rant about the PM where she ruled that he is “political turpentine” and “impossibly f*cking dense.” This theme was continued when Lady Shale called Mr Johnson out for his hair, face, dress sense, weird shifty eyes, and his politics.

the man is an insufferable clown!

Have you been mis-sold a lottery ticket? Were you promised riches beyond compare? Then one legal firm thinks they can get you your money back

At Napton & Co they believe that ‘where there’s blame, there’s a claim’ and as the PPI work dries up they are looking for new ways to earn. Their latest money-generating wheeze is to sue The National Lottery.  

Ian Napton explains, “When people see all the adverts showing ordinary people winning life-changing sums of money, they are led to believe it can happen to them too. Of course, we all know it can’t, but it doesn’t stop people handing over the hard-earned readies every week.”

You pays your money, you takes your chance

“I’d have gotten away with it were it not for those pesky kids!” cries Boris

Circus and funhouse manager Bozo Johnson claims he would have gotten away with his dastardly plan if it hadn’t been for those pesky kids.

We had it all sorted, I’d pretended to be a ghost and made the sweet old lady think that she was helping by giving me the keys to the castle. Jacob and the rest of my gang scared everyone out of the House of Horrors. Our plan had worked perfectly, we were all set to clean up and no one knew a thing, then along came those pesky kids.”

I’ll Get you!