Tag: London

Yorkshire people are banned from London

Seeking things to ban, Priti Patel has outlawed the Yorkshire people from London.

“You can’t have these people coming down from the North, invading our cities and mixing with posh people. It’s not right. Think of the damage it will do to our children! Have you heard how these people speak? It’s like they don’t have teeth. I caught my niece saying ‘get ‘t foot o our stairs’ it’s out of control.”

Yorki gangs running rampant.

As air quality improves the Eiffel Tower is now visible from The Shard

With the lockdown in full operation, air pollution levels continue to fall. This has delivered an unexpected bonus, people can now see things that are usually obscured by the haze. For Example, it’s now possible to see The Eiffel Tower, Paris, from the roof-top terrace at The Shard, London.

Mais oui, but we cannot see The Shard as we are looking North

FCA Forced to clean up their own mess

The regulator tasked with cleaning up the Financial Services industry has been found to have been in need of cleaning its own act up.

The Financial Conduct Authority, frequently compared in terms of usefulness with chocolate teapots, has admitted its staff don’t have the best standards of behaviour around the office.

There was ordure, by the bucket load

Amused Moose present SohoHo’s Comedy Night Out

Amused Moose SohoHo’s Saturday Comedy Night Out
Saturday 23 November

Tonight’s five excellent comedians onstage at Soho’s upmarket boutique Karma Sanctum Hotel are all top-notch, which together makes this the coolest comedy night in town, hosted by;

The brilliantly talented Daniel Audritt (‘8 out of 10 Cats Does Countdown’ writer) who welcomes the wonderfully odd, Paul F Taylor (“Wildly entertaining and absolutely funny”: Chortle), together with the up and coming Ruby Carr (“Insufferably delightful” Amused Moose National New Comic 2019 finalist), Joseph Emslie (“Radiating comic innocence”: Chortle) and Tom Ratcliffe (emerging comedy talent).

Ho Ho SoHo! Giggle into Christmas with the Amused Moose

Boris Johnson Attempts To Abolish Australia

Australia has announced it will declare war on the UK. The news comes after the Australian Government was alerted to UK Prime Minister and play-doh impersonator Boris Johnson’s leaked plans to annex Australia, despite not really having the means, purpose or authority to do so.

“There are too many Australians living in London,” Mr Johnson attempted to explain, “most of whom are vegan or gluten-free or something stupid like that, and almost certainly working illegally, on gap-years or being generally Australian.”

Boris Johnson to abolish Australia