Tag: Man Utd

Oxford University’s no clapping policy to be extended to Old Trafford

Old Trafford, home of Manchester United, has decided to follow the lead of Oxford University by banning clapping from their ground.

The academics have decided the noise generated by everyone clapping creates an intimidating atmosphere, which means those of lesser ability, talent or just lacking pride, passion and backbone feel undermined and less able to reach their full potential. 

We would clap but we’ve not seen anything worth applauding!

Armitage Shanks signs for Manchester United

Man Utd fans around the globe were thrilled this week to learn of the club’s latest acquisition, announced with a glitzy social media post, as the club revealed a stunning coup as they made Armitage Shanks their official urinal partner for 2019-20.

Fanzine writer, Fergus McGiggs, gave his thoughts, “This is wonderful news. For years the club has laboured along with sub-par bathroom supply partners, this signing announces our return to football’s top table. Our fans can’t wait to get into Old Trafford to try out the new facilities.”

More piss taking here!

Jose thoughts on what really happened at Manchester United

Former United boss Jose Mourinho has finally had his say on recent events at Old Trafford.

Asked about how he feels towards his former players, Jose didn’t hold back, “Rashford is a traitor, Young is a traitor, Smalling is a traitor. I know they weren’t playing to their full potential. I forgive Phil Jones only. I thought, when I saw him playing for me, nobody can possibly be that shit at football if they are giving 100%. I see now that I was wrong.” Continue reading “Jose thoughts on what really happened at Manchester United”

100,000 angry Man Utd fans block the streets of West London in protest at Jose Mourinho

Saturday saw Chelsea take on Manchester United, ending in a 2-2 draw. However fans of Man Utd weren’t happy and 100,000 of them took to the streets of West London to voice their displeasure at the continued appointment of Jose Mourinho as the team’s manager. Continue reading “100,000 angry Man Utd fans block the streets of West London in protest at Jose Mourinho”

Are the Sky Football scheduling team on the verge of a mental breakdown?

The Premiere League sees the welcome return of the club calendar, that bloated, overstuffed, overhyped schedule of unmissable clashes between Cardiff and Fulham, Leicester City and Themselves, Newcastle United and the Large Man Who Owns Newcastle United and, of course, that titanic struggle between Jose Mourinho and the concept of sanity. Continue reading “Are the Sky Football scheduling team on the verge of a mental breakdown?”