Tag: Man Utd

Armitage Shanks signs for Manchester United

Man Utd fans around the globe were thrilled this week to learn of the club’s latest acquisition, announced with a glitzy social media post, as the club revealed a stunning coup as they made Armitage Shanks their official urinal partner for 2019-20.

Fanzine writer, Fergus McGiggs, gave his thoughts, “This is wonderful news. For years the club has laboured along with sub-par bathroom supply partners, this signing announces our return to football’s top table. Our fans can’t wait to get into Old Trafford to try out the new facilities.”

More piss taking here!

Jose thoughts on what really happened at Manchester United

Former United boss Jose Mourinho has finally had his say on recent events at Old Trafford.

Asked about how he feels towards his former players, Jose didn’t hold back, “Rashford is a traitor, Young is a traitor, Smalling is a traitor. I know they weren’t playing to their full potential. I forgive Phil Jones only. I thought, when I saw him playing for me, nobody can possibly be that shit at football if they are giving 100%. I see now that I was wrong.” Continue reading “Jose thoughts on what really happened at Manchester United”

Are the Sky Football scheduling team on the verge of a mental breakdown?

The Premiere League sees the welcome return of the club calendar, that bloated, overstuffed, overhyped schedule of unmissable clashes between Cardiff and Fulham, Leicester City and Themselves, Newcastle United and the Large Man Who Owns Newcastle United and, of course, that titanic struggle between Jose Mourinho and the concept of sanity. Continue reading “Are the Sky Football scheduling team on the verge of a mental breakdown?”

New tissue ranges announced including Teenager, Single Woman, Mum, Granny and Man Utd Fan

Following the recent row about changing Mansize tissues to a gender neutral term, one manufacturer has decided to expand their range, and cater for everyone.

Barry Loke, speaking for Stereotypical Tissues Inc, explained, “This is a tremendous opportunity for us to cash in on free publicity. We’ve decided to launch niche ranges of tissues, with the eventual aim of covering every cheap stereotype.” Continue reading “New tissue ranges announced including Teenager, Single Woman, Mum, Granny and Man Utd Fan”

Manchester University’s No Clapping policy to be extended to Old Trafford

Old Trafford, home of Manchester United, has decided to follow the lead of Manchester University by banning clapping from their ground.

The academics have decided the noise generated by everyone clapping creates an intimidating atmosphere, which means those of lesser ability, talent or just lacking pride, passion and backbone feel undermined and less able to reach their full potential.  Continue reading “Manchester University’s No Clapping policy to be extended to Old Trafford”

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