Tag: NHS

The Great Lockdown Escape Plan, featuring every Tom, Dick and Harry

The Government releases details of their Great Lockdown Escape. Every home will receive a vaulting horse, wood stove and shovel.

The Cooler King

In his occasional address to the nation, Boris Johnson says that the Government wouldn’t be able to get everyone out at once. Some of you will have to remain locked up in lockdown.

You vill not escape, Englisher

Making money is more important than lifesaving, says odious hedge fund manager

The Financial Conduct Authority (FCA) has spoken out against “cheapshot journalism” following accusations that some financial firms have made money during extreme market volatility caused by the Coronavirus outbreak, while ordinary people struggle.

Day Trader selling the pound
Sell stock, then sell it again!

Hedge funds have been accused of raking in billions.

Anyone can look after a sick person but you can make money after a 6 course lunch?

Cabinet Ministers, hedge fund managers and wealthy businessmen launch a £3B Social Aid Fund

Inspired by the Premier League Footballers who have rallied round to help those who have been impacted by the Corona Virus Lockdown, a consortium of city traders, wealthy businessmen and aristocrats have joined together to do the same.

Happy to share it!
Having benefited so well from society it was the least we could do!

Following Boris Johnson’s miraculous recovery, the Pope is to sanctify Donald Trump

President Trump’s latest Twatter post celebrates Boris Johnson’s miraculous recovery and takes the credit for healing the Prime Minister.

Hey, it was nothing, I just said “Hey, God! Come on man!”

The Twat reads, “Congrats to Boris on beating the Chink Disease, I knew you would. I prayed for you, so you got better. God listens to me, that’s why he made me President.”  

I fixed it for Boris, says Donald