Ian Napton, a perfectly healthy man, in his early thirties, insists that as he is suffering from a slight cold he’s on the verge of death.
“It was horrible, I felt a bit of a sniffle and had a couple of sneezes and that was it, I was done in. Of course I immediately took to my bed, armed with nothing more than a couple of good books, my mobile, the laptop, the TV Remote and a Classic Car magazine. There was no telling how long I was going to be off my feet, I thought I was going to die.” Continue reading “Man with a slight head cold insists he is on the verge of death”
Facing a drastic shortfall in post-Brexit, NHS, staffing levels, the Government have released details of their contingency planning. Hospital staff numbers will be boosted by a range of alternative therapists such as Shamen, Spiritualists, Faith Healers, Homeopaths and Reflexologists.
The NHS also plans to turn existing ‘contemplation and worship spaces’ into dedicated, cutting edge, ‘Thoughts & Prayers (T&P)’ treatment centres. Continue reading “NHS turns to Shamen, spiritualists and colour therapists to ease the post-Brexit staffing crisis”
NHS 111 was on red alert last night, after experiencing high call volumes, from teenagers suffering with mysterious ailments.
Ageing relatives insisting on WiFi lockdown, to play ‘good old fashioned’ festive games, is thought to have created panic and shock like symptoms amongst the youth. Continue reading “Teenagers suffering anxiety, depression and PTSD as parents disconnect the WiFi over Xmas”
In a remarkable show of bloody-mindedness Theresa May held a press conference confirming her deal was the only deal, there’s no other deal and if everyone didn’t vote for her and let her be PM any more she’d have no choice but to carry on.
In collaboration with Lord Greystoke, she’s produced details of her Post-Brexit vision. Continue reading “Theresa May’s Guide to a Post-Brexit Britain”
Matt Hancock, Secretary of State for Health, has announced that the British People need to take responsibility for their own health, as the burden on the National Health Service is too great and needs reducing, before it’s sold off to The Americans.
With this in mind the DoH have released a series of App based D-I-Y Home Operation kits, which will allow hard working families to take full responsibility for their health, their treatment and their clinical outcomes. Continue reading “Department of Health launches D-I-Y Home Operation Kits”
Colin Adams, had an agonising tooth, so he called the dentist. Not having visited the surgery for several years he was unaware of current dental charges. When he asked about the cost, receptionist said, “It’s somewhere between an arm and a leg.” She added, “The price will go up, obviously, if on further investigation, the dentist feels he needed a further week’s holiday, in Tuscany.
Continue reading “Man sells beloved family pet in order to afford a trip to the dentist”