Tag: NHS

Trout pout woman wrongly treated for anaphylactic shock

Trout pout

An investigation is underway, following an incident of mistaken diagnosis, when a woman was incorrectly treated for a severe allergic reaction.

After undergoing cosmetic surgery on her lips, Gillian Napton found herself being unwittingly bundled into the back of an ambulance, while a potentially life saving injection was administered. Continue reading “Trout pout woman wrongly treated for anaphylactic shock”

For Sale – The NHS, 63 Million previous users, good runner, needs TLC and cash

NHS Doctor

In this week’s classified section, following on from some recent interest from an American buyer, we are pleased to offer the NHS for sale.

As to the vehicle itself, it’s a bit of a classic, built in 1948 its designers took advantage of the post war enthusiasm for looking after each other. Unfortunately, over the years it has had some tough running. Many of its previous owners have not kept up the regular maintenance and as such the service history is a bit patchy. Continue reading “For Sale – The NHS, 63 Million previous users, good runner, needs TLC and cash”

Cerberus becomes head receptionist at a busy Doctors Surgery

Cerberus Hound of hell, guardian of the Doctors Surgery

Cerberus, the viscous three headed guardian of the underworld has taken over as Head Receptionist at Birmingham’s busy Gwyneth Paltrow GP Surgery.

Dr Ian Napton defended the radical appointment “With the Government’s health service cuts, GP lists are too long. In order to fit in golf and holidays we need to ensure Doctor’s see the fewest number of people. The Receptionist plays a key role in keeping patients out of the surgery with only the most determined getting an appointment.” Continue reading “Cerberus becomes head receptionist at a busy Doctors Surgery”

Unalterable People’s Vote means homeopathy will be used to treat Heart Disease

Homeopathy to treat heart disease

It’s Homeopathy! The results are finally in, the science of woo has won the referendum. Following a hard fought, bitter, campaign that saw a lot of strong emotional appeals, Britain has today committed to inalienably altering its attempts to combat heart disease.

The Conservative MP, Lloyd Duncan, explained, “Clearly we, elected members of parliament, were unqualified to decide such a complex matter as the future of heart disease treatment in this country and so, in accordance with modern traditions, we have laid out a range of options before the people in the form of a referendum.” Continue reading “Unalterable People’s Vote means homeopathy will be used to treat Heart Disease”

Mental Health Self Checking System to replace Doctors

Mental Health Self Checking Machine

With mental health issues reaching a record high, the government have introduced a revolutionary ‘self-checkout system’.

Aimed at quelling the mental health crisis, self-checkouts will be trialled at supermarkets, bridges and train stations. Sponsored by Dignitas, each unit encourages sufferers to input their symptoms, then wait for automated feedback. Continue reading “Mental Health Self Checking System to replace Doctors”

Man with a slight head cold insists he is on the verge of death

Ian Napton, a perfectly healthy man, in his early thirties, insists that as he is suffering from a slight cold he’s on the verge of death.

It was horrible, I felt a bit of a sniffle and had a couple of sneezes and that was it, I was done in. Of course I immediately took to my bed, armed with nothing more than a couple of good books, my mobile, the laptop, the TV Remote and a Classic Car magazine. There was no telling how long I was going to be off my feet, I thought I was going to die.” Continue reading “Man with a slight head cold insists he is on the verge of death”

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