Tag: Parliament

Have you been mis-sold a Brexit? You may have a claim!

Have you spent countless hours in pointless Brexit debates? Did your friends and relatives desert you? How come you managed to enrage complete strangers with, or without provocation? Were you injured or distressed as a result of arguing about something you only had half the facts for? Admit it, you typed messages in BLOCK CAPITALS, didn’t you?

Are your friends as sick of Brexit as you are? Did you vote Brexit and not really expect anything to change? Or, Did you vote remain and spend the last three years toting about an over-inflated sense of educational and moral superiority?

Where there is blame there is a claim!

Veteran Supreme Court Judge Rules Boris Johnson Is “A Bit Of A Pr*ck”

Speaking to The Sun “newspaper”, Lady Glenda Shale, veteran Supreme Court judge and amateur spider enthusiast was quoted as stating, “a filthy, biased, and extremely accurate tirade” about Prime Minister Boris Johnson.

During her address during the busy trial, Lady Shale became “lost” in her fisherman’s style rant about the PM where she ruled that he is “political turpentine” and “impossibly f*cking dense.” This theme was continued when Lady Shale called Mr Johnson out for his hair, face, dress sense, weird shifty eyes, and his politics.

the man is an insufferable clown!

Parliament’s Kitchen accidentally used cocaine in the Spotted Dick

Members of the House of Commons have attracted severe criticism for their behaviour during the debate, following the ruling over the Government’s illegal use of its’ prerogative power.  

This led to a vitriolic debate, that lacked for sense, decency and basic respect. Concerned that even for this august institution the behaviour went too far, the Speaker ordered an investigation.

Raising agent, i’ll say, i’m as high as a kite!

Jacob Rees-Mogg to become the face of lounge furniture

A bespoke armchair and chaise-longue manufacturer have chosen Conservative MP Jacob Rees-Mogg to be the brand ambassador and new face of their company: PomPosity.

Mr Rees-Mogg shall appear in a series of televisual adverts for the company, and will ‘pose in a variety of positions’, showing off the range of products PomPosity have to offer.

What! What!

Rationing introduced to limit Brexit references to a maximum of 3 per week

Following the Prime Minister’s closure of Parliament on the grounds that he has had enough of Democracy and this Brexit nonsense, he’s introducing a Brexit Rationing scheme.

Everyone will be issued with a Ration Book, limiting Brexit references to three a week. Once a Brexit reference has been used the book will need stamping and, after three goes no further use of Brexit is allowed.  

Brexit, Brexit, Bugger It!