Lounge lizard reclines

Jacob Rees-Mogg to become the face of lounge furniture

A bespoke armchair and chaise-longue manufacturer have chosen Conservative MP Jacob Rees-Mogg to be the brand ambassador and new face of their company: PomPosity.

Mr Rees-Mogg shall appear in a series of televisual adverts for the company, and will ‘pose in a variety of positions’, showing off the range of products PomPosity have to offer.

Rationing introduced to limit Brexit references to a maximum of 3 per week

Following the Prime Minister’s closure of Parliament on the grounds that he has had enough of Democracy and this Brexit nonsense, he’s introducing a Brexit Rationing scheme.

Everyone will be issued with a Ration Book, limiting Brexit references to three a week. Once a Brexit reference has been used the book will need stamping and, after three goes no further use of Brexit is allowed.  

Dancing Dog gets more votes than Tommy Robinson

Voting mix up sees BGT’s Dancing Dog elected as MEP

Following yet another classic British cock-up the electorate have managed to elect a Dancing Border Collie to sit in the European Parliament.

The confusion occurred as voting for Britain’s Got Talent was running simultaneously to the EU Elections. 20 Million people were casting their annual vote in favour of the dancing dog when someone at The Electoral Commission muddled up the ballots.

Where's Wally

What’s happened to Chris Grayling?

Concern mounted about the Transport Secretary, Chris Grayling, after a reporter noticed that he hadn’t made a colossal cock-up in the last month.

The journalist, Ian Napton, broke the story ‘I was short of ideas the Sunday feature, and I did what I always do, went looking for details of Chris Grayling’s latest howler. There’s always one but this time there was nothing. I couldn’t find anything since he paid £40 million to run empty ferries to France and back. It was a concern, for a minute there I thought I’d have to do some proper work, then I realised this was the story.”