Tag: Parliament

Rationing introduced to limit Brexit references to a maximum of 3 per week

Following the Prime Minister’s closure of Parliament on the grounds that he has had enough of Democracy and this Brexit nonsense, he’s introducing a Brexit Rationing scheme.

Everyone will be issued with a Ration Book, limiting Brexit references to three a week. Once a Brexit reference has been used the book will need stamping and, after three goes no further use of Brexit is allowed.  

Brexit, Brexit, Bugger It!

Voting mix up sees BGT’s Dancing Dog elected as MEP

Following yet another classic British cock-up the electorate have managed to elect a Dancing Border Collie to sit in the European Parliament.

The confusion occurred as voting for Britain’s Got Talent was running simultaneously to the EU Elections. 20 Million people were casting their annual vote in favour of the dancing dog when someone at The Electoral Commission muddled up the ballots. Continue reading “Voting mix up sees BGT’s Dancing Dog elected as MEP”

What’s happened to Chris Grayling?

Concern mounted about the Transport Secretary, Chris Grayling, after a reporter noticed that he hadn’t made a colossal cock-up in the last month.

The journalist, Ian Napton, broke the story ‘I was short of ideas the Sunday feature, and I did what I always do, went looking for details of Chris Grayling’s latest howler. There’s always one but this time there was nothing. I couldn’t find anything since he paid £40 million to run empty ferries to France and back. It was a concern, for a minute there I thought I’d have to do some proper work, then I realised this was the story.” Continue reading “What’s happened to Chris Grayling?”

Both sides in Brexit debate “not ruling out” genocide

The brutal genocide of one’s enemies should not be taken off the negotiating table, say both left and right wing Brexit activists, after months of shouting at each other on Twitter have failed to break the deadlock.

Pretend communist Socialist Kevin Hard MP tells The Chimp: “We’ve tried abuse, scorn, misrepresentation and fake outrage, but those alt-right bastards haven’t budged an inch despite all our efforts. They just get more stubborn the more shit we throw at them.” Continue reading “Both sides in Brexit debate “not ruling out” genocide”

MP’s to vote on what to call Theresa’s Withdrawal Act

Theresa May brings her Withdrawal Act back to Parliament for the third time. The Speaker, John Bercow has told her she can only bring it back if it’s substantively different.

Following a late night strategy planning session with Baldric, she has come up with a cunning plan. Instead of voting for the whole package in one go, Parliament will be asked to vote on it in stages, making it significantly different. That way no-one will notice it’s the same thing. Continue reading “MP’s to vote on what to call Theresa’s Withdrawal Act”