Following the latest mispronunciation of Jeremy Hunt’s surname, he’s appealed for people to stop it, claiming “It’s not funny.”
The people beg to differ.
St Credulous University’s Linguistic expert, Ian Napton,
took a closer look at the phenomena in order to see why this kept happening to
He is ! Click here to find out more
As a bicycle rack is installed outside 10 Downing Street and a taxpayer-funded padlock is being wrapped as a welcome gift for the new Prime Minister, staff are preparing to say their farewells to Theresa May.
Ideas are being considered for what would constitute a suitable farewell gift, and a suggestion box has been left in the hallway, just behind the famous black front door, where all staff can discreetly leave suggestions.
What should we say?
A Conservative MP has been praised for saving dozens of fatcat bankers from a potential milkshaking.
The protestor who burst into the bankers’ dinner party was later found to have minute quantities of ‘a dairy-related substance’ on her hands and clothes, indicating she had recently been in the presence of milkshake, or a similar deadly weapon such as yoghurt.
Do You want some? Do you?
MP and Toy Soldier Mark Francois has been publicly outed as
a secret Ninja. Mark’s alter ego was revealed when he publicly announced that
he had signed a death warrant on an Anti-Brexit campaigner.
It’s long been supposed that Mark was no stranger to silently
delivering death, having previously admitted peeling potatoes on a Territorial Army
camping trip to Wiltshire. What surprised onlookers was that he was so versed
in the most covert and feared of the martial arts.
You WANT sOME?
Liam Fox, Britain’s premiere trade negotiator has announced,
without a hint of irony, that he has successfully managed to negotiate a post-Brexit
trade deal with South Korea.
Under the terms of the deal, we will maintain exactly the
same trading conditions that we had with South Korea under the EU.
The delicate and complex negotiations have taken many hours
in front of a photocopier with a bottle of tippex.
More? Surely not!
The 67.3 million people who are not members of the Conservative Party have announced that “it’s OK, Theresa can continue as Prime Minister, after all.”
“The Tory Beauty Parade has turned out to be quite ugly, hasn’t it?” said Ian Napton, a commuter at Waterloo Station. “When the choice boils down to a bunch of drug users and c****, and all of them make you want to punch them in the face really hard, you suddenly start to see a positive side to Theresa May, don’t you?” Continue reading “As Tory leadership candidates are revealed the country cries “Please stay, Theresa!””