Tag: Politics

Big rock misses the Earth by 300 million miles

Space scientists at NASA confirmed that a large lump of rock, technically known as an ‘Asteroid’ missed the earth by a million miles. “It came nowhere near us”, said one ‘expert’.

Space, with rocks in

BBC to cancel their remaining funny programmes

Following the unexplained success of Mrs Brown’s Boys, the BBC is to cancel their remaining funny shows.

Programme commissioners will concentrate on re-booting tired old sit-coms, promoting non-challenging writing and aim to reflect the ‘spirit of the nation’.

Since 2012, the country has moved on. Now people want comedy that reminds them of the good old days. In fact, we intend to bring back the Good Old Days. The reality is that from January, we will be a sovereign nation, and we must reflect that. This means delivering the racist, homophobic and sexist comedy the people want.

Lord O’Mosley, incoming BBC Dictator General
Ja, you will find zis funny

House of Commons stage Ice Dance Spectacular

The production has a working title of “Tragedy on Thin Ice” and starts Priti Patel as Flo, a Princess whose heart has been frozen by an ancient sorcerer called Quill, played by Jacob Rees-Mogg. The detail of the plot is classified as top secret, accordingly, the script has already been accidentally published on-line by an intern updating the COVID-19 weekly statistics.

Skating on thin ice, starring a cast

What A Carry On! starring Sid Johnson, Kenneth Williamson and Hatti Patel

The Chimp has discovered that a long lost Ealing comedy script has become government policy. The script was apparently rejected as a plot for a ‘Carry On’ film. But by means unknown, the draft script found its way into the hands of a political lobbying group, who mistook it for a plan and enacted it.

Carry On Governing

Government changes procurement rules to the Service Contract Assignment Method (SCAM)

The Government is facing accusations that their Procurement Process is shrouded in mystery, and fails to show how ministers and advisers take their cut. A leaked briefing paper shows how the Government plans to use SCAM, to make this process transparent.

Everyone does it, let’s stop pretending