Tag: Relationships

Frustrated housewife buried under an avalanche of empty toilet roll tubes

Near fatal toilet roll accident

A south London woman has been found safe and well, though slightly seething, after being reported missing by her husband. 

Fears for Gillian Napton grew, when her husband Ian discovered the Sunday roast had failed to emerge at it’s usual time, post golf game. 

Reliving the ordeal, Ian Napton told us, ‘Alarm bells rang, once I got home, arguably a tad late, to radio silence and an empty oven.’ 

Continue reading “Frustrated housewife buried under an avalanche of empty toilet roll tubes”

After finding out his wedding day was ‘The Best Day of His Life’ Groom gives up

Is this as good as it gets?

After everyone told Ian Napton that his wedding day was ‘The Best Day of His Life’ he has taken the practical decision to respect their opinion and just give up.

“Look, everyone told me my wedding day was ‘The Best Day of My Life’, and yes, it was a good one. There’s no doubt about it, it was a corker. I realised that if that was as good as it gets then, what’s the point? I may as well not bother. So, I decided to crack open a beer, put my feet up and watch Netflix.”

Continue reading “After finding out his wedding day was ‘The Best Day of His Life’ Groom gives up”

Shock and amazement as a woman admits she may have been wrong

Man gets concussion after fainting when wife admits her error

A man is suffering with mild concussion, having collapsed, when his wife admitted she was wrong.

Dazed, Ian Napton admitted that this startling turn of events, has left him in a state of shock. ‘This moment will go down in history. Rare as rocking horse shit. I’m struggling to process this momentous occasion.’ he said. Continue reading “Shock and amazement as a woman admits she may have been wrong”

Qatar’s bestselling book is ‘How to beat your wife, for Dummies’

how to beat your wife

Qatari Sociologist, Basher Al Hardah’s academic treatise ‘How to beat your wife, for Dummies’ is at the top of the Arab Times best seller list. The handy guide, with its’ simple easy to follow pictures, has proved popular with cowardly, mindless, insecure thugs and the religious.

Basher argues that when applying a beating, it’s important the woman feels the man’s strength and understands his masterfulness. He explains that science has shown this to be the will of God. A half-starved 10th Century goat herder wrote it down, so it must be true.

Continue reading “Qatar’s bestselling book is ‘How to beat your wife, for Dummies’”

Mother’s Day is an hour shorter this year and mums aren’t happy about it

Mother's Day is an hour shorter this year and mums aren't happy

There have been calls for an inquiry as, this year, Mother’s Day marks the change to British Summer Time with the clocks springing forward, on 31 March 2019.

Whilst the clocks go forward on the last Sunday of March every year, this time the last Sunday of March coincides with Mothering Sunday. Continue reading “Mother’s Day is an hour shorter this year and mums aren’t happy about it”

As psychologists prove men and women are not meant to live together, Marriage Guidance counsellors offer a full refund

Husband and wife don't get on

Bewildered marriage guidance counsellors, were forced to return customer’s money, admitting that men and women really are from different planets.

With the ‘new man’ allegedly stepping up to the plate, psychologists initially aspired to bridge the chasm in marital communication. Researching how each sex felt their emotional needs were best met, psychologists quickly found a raging gulf between view points.

Continue reading “As psychologists prove men and women are not meant to live together, Marriage Guidance counsellors offer a full refund”

The Chatty Chimp is owned and operated by Chattychimp Ltd