Tag: Relationships

'For God's sake buy her Valentine's Day flowers' warns regretful idiot

Self proclaimed modern man, Ian Napton has been left in a state of shock, after his genius idea ‘to swerve Valentine’s Day’, hugely backfired.

Napton announced his intention to abstain from the ‘commercial venture, allegedly ‘to avoid belittling’ his wife Gillian, with a show of ‘demeaning patriarchal tradition.’

Of course I love you darling, it’s just I can’t be bothered to get you anything

Frustrated housewife buried under an avalanche of empty toilet roll tubes

A south London woman has been found safe and well, though slightly seething, after being reported missing by her husband. 

Fears for Gillian Napton grew, when her husband Ian discovered the Sunday roast had failed to emerge at it’s usual time, post golf game. 

Reliving the ordeal, Ian Napton told us, ‘Alarm bells rang, once I got home, arguably a tad late, to radio silence and an empty oven.’ 

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After finding out his wedding day was ‘The Best Day of His Life’ Groom gives up

After everyone told Ian Napton that his wedding day was ‘The Best Day of His Life’ he has taken the practical decision to respect their opinion and just give up.

“Look, everyone told me my wedding day was ‘The Best Day of My Life’, and yes, it was a good one. There’s no doubt about it, it was a corker. I realised that if that was as good as it gets then, what’s the point? I may as well not bother. So, I decided to crack open a beer, put my feet up and watch Netflix.”

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Shock and amazement as a woman admits she may have been wrong

A man is suffering with mild concussion, having collapsed, when his wife admitted she was wrong.

Dazed, Ian Napton admitted that this startling turn of events, has left him in a state of shock. ‘This moment will go down in history. Rare as rocking horse shit. I’m struggling to process this momentous occasion.’ he said. Continue reading “Shock and amazement as a woman admits she may have been wrong”

Qatar’s bestselling book is ‘How to beat your wife, for Dummies’

Qatari Sociologist, Basher Al Hardah’s academic treatise ‘How to beat your wife, for Dummies’ is at the top of the Arab Times best seller list. The handy guide, with its’ simple easy to follow pictures, has proved popular with cowardly, mindless, insecure thugs and the religious.

Basher argues that when applying a beating, it’s important the woman feels the man’s strength and understands his masterfulness. He explains that science has shown this to be the will of God. A half-starved 10th Century goat herder wrote it down, so it must be true.

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